Momentarily Happy in Affairland
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| Sat, 11-21-2009 - 9:14am |
It is interesting to me how the logical/rational part of me knows the cycle of affairland and sees the good feelings as temporary. But the part of me that experiences this delight and euphoria never wants to acknowledge the inevitable hurt/worry/inadequacy which will follow on the way back down.
But today I am in a happy place. AP and I have LDA and actually only see each other once a year. And due to his inability to type (he literally does one letter at a time); we communicate mostly via phone calls and texting. Yesterday I had a surprise opportunity to talk with him. It was a wonderful leisurely chat; schedules aligned and neither of us had to rush off. And although I am wary of getting my hopes up, it looks like we will be able to do the same on Monday. :)Something which will be fantastic going into the holiday weekend when neither of us is really available to talk. And his texts to me last night before I went to bed were so thoughtful/silly/ and charming.
So today I sit here happy and contented, while the logical part of me attempts to remind myself that it won't last. And I know that to be true. I've been in this world for 7 years now. The up and down I'm not a stranger to it, yet I keep coming back for more. But I finally am starting to believe that when we can't communicate it doesn't mean he's stopped caring for me. Which also is a measure of comfort.
