So Devastated :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
So Devastated :(
15
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 2:41pm

I'm going to break things off with AP for the 3rd time today.


Let me tell the latest. I'm trying not to cry right now. First off, This A has been draining me from the very beginning. I try to just enjoy our time but I cant. All the secrecy and lies and hiding and wanting more and wondering will he really leave makes me feel insane. It's always in the back of my mind, never leaving.


AP is good to me even though he in unemployed. He tries to help me when he can. He tell me he loves

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 3:03pm

Caribu, I am SO SO SO sorry to hear this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 3:12pm

What a terrible story. So sorry for your pain, caribu. When you said this is a woman from his past, I wondered, how much from the past she is when she got his brand new email. He is so stupid that can't set himself his own email account, and even forgot he gave you his password.

My question to you would be - what does a woman like you doing with a man like him? Jobless and philandering. Wow, what a great catch! I really think you should be thankful to find out his true colors so easily. Just think how'd you feel in a few more years, investing more and more of yourself in this dead-end relationship...while he has wife, you, and who knows how many other women around, all helpful, self-sacrificing, loving and understanding.

You really do not have to explain anything to him - just say it's over, you can't do it anymore. Do not admit to looking up his email - he'll just lie more and will make you feel guilty and paranoid, and then it will be harder to know the truth. Trust your gut - yes, you were wronged, he made love to you, then ran home to his cozy wife and didn't email YOU even just to thank you for a good time - no, he was too busy lining up his next thrill.

Good luck. EAS is there to support and listen. It is doable - doesn't matter how much you think you love him, doesn't matter how weak you think you are, doesn't matter how long you've been together - if you want to end it, it is possible. It is possible to be happy again and possible to love again. And yes, you deserve better then this sorry excuse of liar and cheater.

Hugs,
GbG

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: caribu79
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 4:49pm

Oh caribu,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot believe he can be that stupid, to give up a loving and caring woman such as yourself. Did he really forget that you are the one who helped him set up that email? Or that he gave you the password? Aaarggghhh, I so wish I could be there to give you a BIG hug.

Don't let this defeat you caribu, you are so much better than this. You also deserve a whole lot better than what you've got.

I remember well how it felt my first holiday after I left my H, it wasn't great, but neither was it horrible. Hang in there honey, I think your life can really start now, you know?

Please let us know how you are doing, ok? And know that we are thinking of you...your warmth and caring have been greatly appreciated.

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 8:18pm

Oh Caribu, I'm so sorry to read your post. You are a very kind, gentle and caring woman that doesn't deserve this behavior from him.

You helped him create his new e-mail, and then he gives his new e-mail address to this other woman? Strange that he'd give you his password. Maybe he was hoping to get caught?

The evidence you found on his PC IS incriminating. And I am a firm believer of following your gut. If your gut says he's seeing this woman, sadly to say, you may be right.

I hope that you have the strength to break it off with him. It is difficult and I wish you the best.

I wouldn't know what I'd do with myself if I discovered a new woman in AP's life.... there is only so much us women can put up with.

Hope you have a good Thanksgiving and go shopping this weekend...shopping always puts a smile on my face! regardless if I'm broke or not...

Edited to add: I didn't read the other responses when I responded. But I have to echo what they all said; don't tell him you read the e-mail because if your AP is like mine, he'll just come up with another lie to cover his butt. You're doing the right thing. I wonder if we live in the same state? We can go out for drinks and celebrate the holiday our own way! lol




Edited 11/25/2009 8:23 pm ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
In reply to: caribu79
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 10:58pm

Hi caribu,


Take care of yourself during the Holiday and if you can, try and put the pain of this situation out of your mind for awhile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 7:51am

Im so sorry Caribu. I also echo everything that has already been said here.

You have been one of the kindest and most thoughtful people i have encountered here since i began lurking all those months ago.

Your XAP makes me madder than he11 to think that all those excuses were just that- excuses. I hope he misses you so bad he falls apart. What a scumbag.

Chin up girl, you know that its going to be a hard road ahead, but at least he didnt make the ultimate "sacrifice", leave his W, then so this to you. Small consolation, but this way you can leave with dignity intact. He has no clue why you will leave him and that itself makes you stronger IMO. You need a better man and now this door has closed, another has opened so you can find one.

Big hugs.

SB.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
In reply to: caribu79
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 11:55pm

Hi caribu,

I'm a little late with my reply, but reading what you wrote, I feel for you. I don't think you did anything wrong checking his e-mail, especially since he gave you the PW.

Our situations have many similarities, and reading your post, this latest information makes me angry that he's doing this to you and my heart aches for you. I don't understand why the h*ll these men have to be like this. I'm feeling rather down right now and am trying to get myself in the mindset to break it off. So, for having the strength to end it, I really truly respect you. I know it's horribly difficult to do, but honestly, you do deserve better and there is better out there. I'm sure you have heard that before, but you do deserve better. Looking in as somewhat of an outsider on your situation, I can say that to you, but can't seem to see that in my situation/for myself. You seem so warm and caring and have been more than patient waiting for this man. Waiting for him while he lives in 2 separate worlds and probably enjoying it. Now, that wasn't even good enough for him, he has to find a 3rd woman!?! WTF. That is beyond cake eating. That's like a whole dessert buffet.

Not to hijack your post, but my latest is my BF/AP lied to me about where he is this Thanksgiving. He told me he's going back to visit his family. I knew something wasn't right. He told me different things re: his flight arrival departure dates/times..red flag. As you know, I'm a snooper so I checked his e-mail (I know, wrong) and there was no airline confirmation. I also see he called his family (that he's supposedly visiting) today for an hour. He "gets home" tomorrow afternoon. Great. IDK what I'm going to do. I think I might take the advice one of the other posters gave you: end it, you owe him no explanation.

Anyway, sorry didn't mean to go too far off on my issues. I'm just really sorry you have to go through this mess. You have put up with so much. It's a hard time a year to end things, I know.

I hope your Thanksgiving was at least somewhat enjoyable. I wish I had something to say to make you feel better or give you a hug. Please let us know how you are doing *hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
In reply to: caribu79
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 12:02am

Caribu,


Hey sweetie, how are you doing?

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
In reply to: caribu79
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 6:24am
Hey llost,
Thanks for the reply. I don't want to steal this thread from caribu, so I am going to post my own response to you and start a new discussion thread. I'm going to call it "Need to end it."


Edited 11/27/2009 6:53 am ET by torn_apart_goddess
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
In reply to: caribu79
Fri, 11-27-2009 - 9:34am

Hi you guys,


Thanks (btrue, gone, llost, sometimes, benka, torn, jen and waiting) I appreciate all your responses. I'm not sure how I feel right now but I am glad I have you guys. I can say that I feel tired and drained. I didnt break things off yet. I was angry enough and ready on Wed. but then I didnt hear from him. So I had too much time to think. So once he called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, I punked out. aaahhh!


Anyway, I posted under torn's post if you guys want to read more about me and AP. Thanks again you guys, what would I do without yall?




Edited 11/27/2009 9:44 am ET by caribu79

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