It was supposed to be a one-time thing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
It was supposed to be a one-time thing!
4
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 2:16pm

Hey all,

I'm really glad to have found this board and could use some advice. Basically, I'm recently married to a wonderful man and have always been very happy with him. We're dealing with many of the typical challenges of newlywed life, such as managing money and learning to live with each other and all of that, but we're very open and communicative and overall fairly happy together.

My life outside of the marriage is a bit blah. I'm unhappy in my job, we recently moved to a new place where I'm having trouble finding my niche, and I haven't yet made many friends. So, I was thrilled to grab drinks with a coworker of mine. And we got to talking...realized we had a lot in common...ended up talking and drinking till pretty late, and of course, whoops, totally hooked up.

AHH! I never thought i'd ever do anything like this. So, I approached it as "whoops, drunk thing...never again.." and we even talked about it (he's also married) and agreed that it was definitely best to move on like it never happened.

Except that I can't stop thinking about him. I find myself fantasizing about him, thinking about him , daydreaming about him. I'm attracted to him and drawn to him, possibly because I'm lonely and want the attention? At the same time, I don't understand what to do--I love my husband and am in the process of building a marriage. Why on earth am I interested in somebody else? I keep thinking about how I can get involved with this coworker and get away with it...and that's a dangerous road I'm not sure I want to go down.

Any advice? Thanks everybody!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 2:43pm
I think in your last paragraph you answered your own questions. If I was you I would keep pushing forward with your marriage. I think you are lonely...a lot is going on with you right now and your co-worker filled in a gap in your life. Moving to a new place isn't easy...BTDT. Just give it a lil time to make friends. Take the time to explore
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 4:19pm
thank you very much for your thoughtful response. you are absolutely right, and i know that working on building a good life with my DH is the thing to do, but I'm so intrigued and tempted by this co-worker...fighting the feelings are hard. When I see him my heart skips a beat and I get that naughty tingling feeling that you get when you're around somebody that just "does it" for you. Plus we work together so I can't avoid him...so how to manage those feelings and focus instead of making my own marriage work instead of escaping into something with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
Tue, 12-01-2009 - 5:39pm
Those feelings are hard to fight...you just have to remind yourself with what really matters to you. You will do what you want to do but just becareful b/c sometimes A's work for some and sometimes don't work at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Wed, 12-02-2009 - 7:22am

I think you are too far gone to stop. It's under your skin and now if you're like me about all you can do is let the A run its course. At least it's how I am. BTW that naughty tingling feeling is what I live for. For me it's addictive, has been all my life. Anyway, good luck.

-jana