New to this roller coaster!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
New to this roller coaster!
15
Thu, 12-03-2009 - 11:37am

Hi everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 11:07am

Just take it day by day. Are you in love with him or is it just sex? I am on the sex high after AP and I are done, and about 5 days later, I have these withdrawal like side effects. It's miserable. However, it has gotten better and it didn't take long to get better.


The thing is, I'm not miserable in my marriage. I love my H and he doesn't suck at all. Other than he's impotent which is a problem that he's just starting to be willing to deal with. I was resentful for a long time b/c he wasn't taking it at all seriously. That has been our biggest obstacle. I think that I might be able to keep my feelings out of my A

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 12:50pm

yes confused..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 1:47pm

I've been friends with my AP for about 17 years and we've never been together this way. I never thought in a million years this would happen, though I've always been physically attracted to him. I've been with my H for 17 years. When AP was single, he was different (he was an a*s) and I didn't feel anything for him other than friendship and even that was sketchy.


I have fantasies about him telling me he loves me, though I think that's an ego thing for me. If he did that, I'd freak. I don't want to leave my H for him.


I think you might be disappointed in the results of your conversation with your AP. If he's messed around before then this might just be par for the course for him, just this time, he was more comfortable since you've known each other a long time and he let himself have IC. I think it's best for you to have the conversation soon, before you get too attached so you can make the decision to stick it out and accept what the consequences might be, or end it altogether.


I recommend reading the Ending Affair Support board to get an idea of what you'd be in for should you continue the A. I should take my own advice. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Fri, 12-04-2009 - 9:18pm

Just my .02 having been in your shoes VERY recently (just ended a brief A, I've been married 19 yrs -- been "checked out" for quite some time) : He probably WON'T want to have "that conversation".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 9:53am

Thank you all for your responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Sat, 12-05-2009 - 1:44pm

I'm in the thick of no contact...was at 3 wks and ran into him this week. I also live near him, and will see him occasionally as we're involved in similar activities. Yes, remove him from you FB friends. I'm not going to sugar-coat it, NC is HARD AS HE**! But I'm having more and more good days and seeing him (and me) for what we truly were. It's not pretty :)


And...I WISH I had listened to that little voice telling me to "RUN!!!!". But, I understand why you don't/didn't. Just know those heady feel-goods will diminish and be replaced by LOTS of heartache. I feel somewhat fortunate in that my A only lasted 10 weeks...doesn't diminish what I was doing, but I'm thankful I don't have years of heartache to get over. I go to EAS and AAS and read DAILY so I can remind myself of the "pattern" of how they like to suck us back into the A. I PRAY I'm strong enough... trying to learn from all the beautiful souls who have poured their hearts out here and stated how many times it "ended" only for them to return.


Work on yourself and ask yourself why you got into that situation. I have a lot of work to do :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2007
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 5:54pm

Quite honestly this guy sounds like a player.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 11:34am

hardhabit and ohmymy, you sound like a amazing women. I am brand new to this site and am so grateful for all the women here who are sharing their stories--the good, the bad and the ugly. What would we do without this kind of support? Because having an A isn't something you can share with all your friends. I'm in the beginning stages. It's been three months, but we live far enough away from each other that contact is a planned event. We've only been intimate together twice--this time around. We were lovers 20 years ago when we were both married and got caught. We both managed to keep our marriages intact. Haven't seen him for 20 years until recently, by complete happenstance. What a rush. He makes me feel incredible. I need to run now, before he breaks my heart again. But here I sit, eagerly awaiting his next email. Dumb, dumb, dumb. My heart is going to break because I don't have the strength--or self respect?--to get out now. I'm in an emotionless marrage (26 years) and AP has reawakened something in me that I thought was long dead. The high is so exilirating, but the low is so painful. It is indeed a roller coaster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 2:58pm

Awww...Thanks, alwayst :) I'm not feeling so amazing these days.


Funny thing though, "amazing" was his word for me :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 3:29pm

I am going to make an appointment with a counselor and deal with my marriage issues. We got married so young (I was barely 20) and we have grown so far apart. I love my H, as anyone who has spent 27 years together and raised two children together, would. But we are such opposites: I am outgoing and social and make friends easily; he hates to go anywhere and is socially stunted. I feel intellectually superior and I have lost a lot of respect for him for numerous reasons. He is NOT a bad guy and I'm not trying to paint a bad picture of him. It just is what it is.

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