question for SW involved with MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
question for SW involved with MM
17
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 9:09am

I wanted to try to get into my SM's head and thought Id ask the single women here a few questions in that attempt.


How long have you been with your MM?


How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you?


Do you tire of always being second?


Do you date or do other things with other men during the time he cant see you? Does he know?


Do you tire with his schedule always coming first and sometimes think about finding a single man to be with and ending the A?


I know,lots of questions. I am just trying to get a glimpse of what might go on his head. Thanks in advance.


~Layla~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 11:31am

"How long have you been with your MM?" 2 years

"How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you?" That is hard especially during this time of the year but i take it as time for myself,just being me!

"Do you tire of always being second?" Nope.because i realize that i have made a choice to stay with him.I am single and free to do whatever but i chose him so have to accept the limitations.I wouldnt say 100% because i do get mad sometimes and want him all for myself,lol!!!

"Do you date or do other things with other men during the time he cant see you? " No, i dont. My MM did tell me i was free to date when we were one year into our A and i really did try but things have evolved in such a way that now i dont have any desire to.Dating seems easy but once you get out and really try,its full of jerks and losers,hard to spot a nice guy.I am not the kind who would want to be around men just for the heck of it.I am comitted to my AP,as silly as it sounds but i a happy with my choice.

"Does he know?" He knew when i tried to date and he knows now when i have no other men in my life.If i dated and didnt tell him,wouldnt i be cheating on him? My gut doesnt allow me that now.If i was not serious about my AP,it wouldnt have mattered at all.
"Do you tire with his schedule always coming first and sometimes think about finding a single man to be with and ending the A?"
I did into first year of our A but not anymore.I am content with the our status.

I have tried to answer all your questions from my POV.I am a SW with a MM but do remember that SM are entirely a different species.I dont blame you for being suspicious and having a hard time believing him.If your gut says that you are not the only woman in his life,believe it.Most of the SM will sleep around and wont tell you.you cant expect complete honesty from them.There are exceptions but very rare.You can never know what they are really doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 11:46am

I really appreciate your reply. Its not so much that I dont believe what he is saying or suspicious of his doings....its that I cant understand it!

~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 4:07pm

Hi layla,


How long have you been with your MM? ~ I've been with MM for 2 1/2 years


How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you? ~ Hmm, how do I cope? Well, the only time he can't get out and see me (generally) is when he chooses not to, and it's normallywork related. However there are times that he just chooses not to be with me because we do spend so much time together....I don't know what his reasoning is frankly, it ticks me off. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2007
Sun, 12-13-2009 - 5:51pm

How long have you been with your MM? 4 ½ years and our son is 10 month old now


How do you cope with long stretches of time when he can’t get out to see you? Nothing to do other than to wait.


Do you tire of always being second? It is my choice so what can I say. Yes, I am tired. But at the same time, I am relieved. I don’t want to be the one who he comes home to at the end of the day and knowing he had just been with someone else. Too much headaches.


Do you date or do other things with other men during the time he cant see you? Does he know? He told me to. I tried. But if you are in love with someone, it is hard to start a meaningful relationship with someone else. The most I would say is that I have dates. I don’t tell him more than that. He is even jealous when I talk about my ex-husband. I don’t think he wants me to date other men but in his position, he can’t ask me not to. So I try not to provoke him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 11:44am

Hi Laya -


How long have you been with your MM? About 2 years...we were just friends for 2 years before the A.


How did you cope with long stretches of time when he couldn't get out to see you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 11:06pm

We haven't been together very long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 12:08am


I am an ex-single other woman but i can still share my experience with you. here goes. of course, i will speak in the past tense.

"How long have you been with your MM?" i was with MM for 10 years. we broke up 2 times in-between, one time i broke it off and that lasted 4 months. another time, i broke it off again and it lasted 1 year.

"How do you cope with long stretches of time when he cant get out to see you?" well let me try to remember. if he couldn't see me, at least we would talk over the phone a lot and that kept the connection going. it was frustrating at times though. Naturally i had friends to socialize with but sometimes i wanted to see him badly and it was frustrating.

"Do you tire of always being second?" he didn't make me feel like second at all cause he loved me very much. even when i stressed from time to time about i being the other woman, he said to me that I was THE only woman and not the other woman. even if i felt like second at times, his treatment to me did not make me feel like second.

"Do you date or do other things with other men during the time he cant see you? Does he know?". when i was with him, i dated no one else as i really loved him. as someone else on here said, it was hard to date someoneelse when you are in love with him. the person who said that KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. it's like because you love them, you feel satisfied and don't want to date anyone else. However, when i broke it off for 1 year, I tried to date during that time, but it didn't work out. if i was to date during the time when i was involved with him, i think he would understand as he never once told me that he would stop me from dating. as a matter of fact, he used to say that all when i am married, he would hasve to make love to me still. which goes to show that he would expect me to get involved with someone else afterwards since as he was not available.

"Do you tire with his schedule always coming first and sometimes think about finding a single man to be with and ending the A?" boy, i used to get frustrated many times and think of ending it and finding someone who i could be free with. he always made it up to me when i felt like i would leave him.

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 11:25am

You said

~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 9:31pm
i see what you mean. would you leave your husband for him? cause i can see that you REALLY LOVE HIM.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Tue, 12-22-2009 - 9:36pm
I AM GOING TO START ANOTHER THREAD THAT I WANT ALL SW INVOLVED WITH MM TO ANSWER. look out for it shortly.
k2002
k2002

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