New here

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
New here
2
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:17pm

I am a MW with 2 wonderful kids. My H is a wonderful father and man, however, I do not love him and havent in quite some time. We have nothing in common, no passion, and havent even kissed in years. We get along fine.....like I said...we are just 2 seperate people with seperate lives. I have had a few A's throughout the years, but I usually grew bored and ended them. I think I was looking for more of an emotional connection versus a physical one, and for most men it is all about the physical. Well about 3 months ago on FB, I found an old classmate, that was one of my best friends in Jr High. We would talk for hours everynight on the phone, but we never dated or were romantically involved. We added each other as friends, and I sent the standard email of "hey how are you, where you at?" etc. I fully thought that would be it, but we ended up emailing back and forth the whole day catching up. As luck...or fate....would have it, his wife and told him just the week before that she wanted a divorce, and he was struggling with that. So I ended up letting him vent and consoling him. Literally the week we started talking, he discovered his wife was having an affair, and moved out. We talked continously as I helped him deal with all that was going on. He lives 4 hours from me but travels to my town twice a month. A month into our reconnecting, he came to where I was and we hooked up. By this time, our conversations had gone from me being the consoling friend to more sexual in nature. So when he came to visit, we ended up becoming physical, and to say it was intense would be downplaying it. I think we both realized at that point we were screwed....no pun intended. He went back and our conversations totally became about "us", and the fact that there was a connection. He came back again 2 weeks later, and after that we declared our love for each other. The intensity of our relationship just escalated at that point. Then in Nov, training for work took me his way. I lied to my family and extended my trip 2 days and went and stayed with him. It happened to also fall on my birthday, so he took me out to eat at an expensive restuarant, and we had an incredible intimate evening. The day I drove home I cried the whole way over the helplessness of the situation. He also went into a deep depression for about a week. I will not leave my husband, and he knows this. My kids and husband either one deserve to lose each other because I am in love with someone else. If there was abuse or a bad situation, then yes, I would leave.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: lonelyandsad68
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:34pm

I'm sorry you're going through all of this and that you feel you're stuck in your current marriage. Have you tried counseling?


You could also try posting this to our Ask the Relationship Saver board as well to get the perspective of our expert, Dr. Brenda Shoshanna.

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
In reply to: lonelyandsad68
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:36pm

Welcome to the Board and tx for sharing your story.