Does this work...for a woman?
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| Fri, 12-18-2009 - 12:51pm |
Because of the toll this was taking on me, I pretty much ended it with AP. I'm going to start a new job at the beginning of the year that will take up a lot of my time. He travels a lot. We are both M. I don't think we'll be able to meet much anyway and I wanted to keep things on "my" terms (haha, yeah right) so I told him last week was it for me. Today I almost broke and invited him over, but we talked on the phone and I didn't invite him. I feel sick, but I'm going to be ok - or so I tell myself.
He wants to make it more of a spontaneous thing where if it happens it happens and if it doesn't...well then it just doesn't. I don't know if I can do that. This is just a PA, but I have feelings. I can't be like a man. I can't turn all that off and just do it. So, is it more dangerous to keep it open ended this way or should I just say, never again? I don't want to say never again, but I think I need to. But I don't know how. I just NEED him for some reason. There's no chance of NC because we are friends, our friends are friends, and unless we move out of state, it just isn't going to happen. I have to make this ok in my head somehow. I need to take back control of my own life somehow.
