Can't believe I am back

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Can't believe I am back
7
Mon, 12-28-2009 - 4:50pm

Hi girls,


Not sure who would remember me around here I have been gone a while. I was here about 2 years ago while I was having an A. Long story short I ended up getting D, and being happy on my own. Then I re-connected with an exBF who seemed to be all I needed. Our R was great until the summer when he cheated on me. We worked through that and then I find out he is bipolar and took himself off his meds. He ended up trying to kill himself in front of me it was a huge mess and I left. He immediately ran to the girl he was cheating on me with during the summer and now they are engaged. I

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 11:37am
Cubbie, I am so glad that you are in T. If he wants to be with you and leave his W, then what's the problem? Are you afraid? Why not try for real love? Why in the world would you settle for having an A with another MM when you have an opportunity to have him all to yourself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 3:37pm

Thanks Myra,


I can say I am not going to have an A with him, but I am sure that will not be how this turns out. I am just not sure if I feel the same way. Happened so fast but the connection has always been there. We each told our best friend's and they said it was about time, and we would be perfect together. He called me the love of his life. I am just not sure what to do here, I do not want to hurt people but I know this will.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 9:46pm

Oh, Cubbie, Cubbie, Cubbie.

First. Huge {hugs} sweetie for all the drama (missed that part of your path, sorry) with exMM. Glad you are now out of it, but I know it's had to have been extremely difficult, painful and confusing for you.

As for exbf/friend/ONS, I don't know what I can tell you. You know what you want to do. You've said it. Finding the courage, however, is oh so hard to do, isn't it?

Personally? I think he's moving hugely fast. I mean, I know you guys know each other, and I understand the concepts of both the one that got away and being such close friends that taking it to the next level seems only natural.

But I think you're wise to understand that you need to get a little more comfortable with all that you've been put through or you'll go tainted into whatever you go into with new guy. *I* think you two should dial it down, pull it back, whatever. Try to reestablish the kind of friendship that can be trusted by others until you feel you're able to move past that which has a hold on you now. Then you can make clear-headed decisions.

To quote our dear old friend Rain:

That's just my opinion, but then, I could be full of sh*t.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 11:11am

Hi Lucky!!,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 11:32am

Cubbie,


First let me send you a big cyber (((HUG))). It sounds like you have been through a lot. I am glad to hear that you are in therapy and getting some support and help after what you have been through with your exBF.


As far as your friend, if it is a ONS, well, like I told my best friend after a weekend she spent that she regretted, and with all that has happened your defenses were down and you were in an extremely vulnerable situation. You are human and were looking for comfort and understanding and there he was.


You said that you needed to work on yourself right now, if that is the case, then I would be honest with your friend and tell him that you are not ready for a relationship at this time, that you need time to work on yourself, and that he should take this time to work on himself and the marriage (I’m taking this from my EAP who is always telling me that I need to be sure that I am certain that a divorce or separation is what I want). This is just my opinion, and in this day and age that and $1.50 may get you a cup of coffee. :)


Take care.


MAM


ps - by the way, I know how it feels to not want to lose your Friend - it is part of the reason that I am in such a quandry about my own EAP - he is also one of my best friends and I am afraid that I will lose that part most of all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 12:42pm

Mam!!


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Wed, 12-30-2009 - 2:06pm

Cubbie, yes it does suck when they were friends first.