Interesting Advice at Therapy Today

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Interesting Advice at Therapy Today
25
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 4:11pm

Though we've talked about AP before, we pretty much spent the entire session today talking about him, and "us".

anotherseyes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2009
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 5:15pm

it's a shame that people play these games, but yes your therapist is right. If you make yourself too available you run the risk of being taken for granted. Ease off a little and you'll benefit.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 6:18pm

I agree with your therapist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 8:31pm

I am going to follow this advice too. My AP does the same...I feel as though I am constantly the one initiating everything..of course ours is a LDA so there is no seeing each other, but I always seem to be the one initiating the talking and texting. I am going to take a step (or two) back and see what happens.


Today he came back from a trip. Contact has been very limited for a week. We got to talk briefly, and then he had to go. Said he'd call before 5. Well, he hasn't called and hasn't texted. Usually I would text him, but I'm not going to. I will come here and vent instead:-)


Thanks,

LouLou
LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 9:28pm
I'm in sort of an LDA, too, LouLou;).

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 9:38pm

Does it just drive you crazy??? It does me! AP is single so it's not like there is a W in the picture. He can't just text my phone, but he can text to my email address. It is so frustrating!


I think I am going to reach the point where enough is enough! The lows and frustrations are going to outweigh the good feelings:-(


I know he is super busy with work..but a quick text is not too much to ask for!

LouLou
LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 5:34am

I think these MM are given way too much consideration of their perceived busy lives by us women.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 6:55am

Hey I like your post Bird! It is true that the "stage" of the relationship is often set in the beginning, and it's hard to change afterward. If you've always been the one to initiate contact, set meetings, etc., it can be hard to pull back from that and it can be SCARY - wondering if this will cause them to leave. But if the relationship is worth anything, he won't leave, he will step up and seek you out because hey - he should want this too! If he doesn't, what worth is there really?

Interesting about your T Anothereyes. Nice to hear that she considers your A a relationship where you deserve the same consideration as any other relationship. We generally say that here, but then there are those that say we can't expect anything like that in an A. I agree with your T - we can't expect the R to be just like a normal R, but we can expect consideration and respect - something a lot of us don't get! (I'm excluding myself here, I do get it).

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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 8:45am
Your therapist is very nice :) but what can I do *sigh* my AP is my neighbor and I cant escape him and be unavailable :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 12:16pm

Those are exactly the MASSIVE mistakes I made with my former AP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 2:51pm
Bravo, Bird :)

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