Finally had "The Talk"
Find a Conversation
Finally had "The Talk"
| Fri, 05-28-2010 - 4:58pm |
So after saying I was going to do it, I finally worked up the courage today to discuss what was going on between us, and apparently it is nothing. :(
I told him I needed to talk to him (well, IM him) and I explained I was feeling confused.

Jane, I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Ouch. That was very painful-albiet necessary--to hear from your friend. At least now you know, right? Why is it that women become so much more attached than men?
anotherseyes
Thanks so much for the support, ladies!
Oh Jane...((HUG)) Man, I'm sorry, but WHAT AN AZZ!! LOL!
Just taking how you described the past few months in your last post...the guy sounds like a PLAYA :) Seriously, if he has LOTS of female friends and calls it all "casual"...what you described IS NOT casual and no one else 'cept another player would describe it that way, either. You're not crazy! LOL!
There are people out there --men and women-- who just like the thrill of the chase or just plain toying with others' emotions. Just calling it like I see it.
If you feel you need to end it once and for all, go over to EAS--lurk and learn. There's TONS of "tricks" and info over there on how to end. I'll admit, I was there for a while during 3 months of trying to end mine...the "program" didn't exactly "fit" me and my situation, I just couldn't cold-turkey "quit"...did it for 3 months and wanted to DIE :) Anyway...I did learn a LOT there and it has helped tremendously in navigating AP and I "rebuilding"...funny, but not, I know :) (We were miserable w/o each other and working HARD now to put something together that works for both of us.)
Like what was said above, "what are you willing to accept?" Take care of YOU...
Hope you find happier days SOON :)
Hi Jane
I can relate to pretty much your entire situation. I've been involved with a married man for the past 6 months and he's been showering me with attention, calling me his girlfriend, telling me how I'm the only one he's had a real affair with (other than a couple one night stands). Not only is it a physical affair, but it's an emotional affair as well.
Then all of a sudden he gets unsure about our affair and feels guilty so pulls away. When I ask whether he wants to keep seeing each other, he takes a day to think about it and then says that he wants to still see me but we need to slow things down (see my post entitled From Perfect 2 pain for a longer explanation). So we do. Except it seems to all be in his hands now. When he wants the affair, he's all over me and its great and we have sex. But then some days its like he feels guilty and pulls away from me.
I'm absolutely miserable. I cry every day. I'm always feeling sick to my stomach. I've lost weight because I can't eat. I can't even tell my wonderful boyfriend what's wrong, but it's so obvious that something is.
We need to have 'the talk' again soon and he has to clear this up for me because this is torture. My contract where we work is expiring so either we'll continue to see each other, or we're going to break up.
My guess is he's going to break up with me and my heart is just going to absolutely break. I'm just horribly depressed and in morning.
All I keep thinking of his how perfect everything was between us for the first few months and how awful everything is now. But I still want him so much.
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way too. I agree that it sounds like he wasn't able to admit that it was more than what he had with other girlfriends.
And that shame for letting them hurt you that much, I totally feel that. The anger I feel for falling so hard for him makes me disgusted with myself.
It just all feels so awful and the thought of a future without him is crippling.
I just keep telling myself you have your boyfriend! The person who really loves you! But I just can't move past this depression.
Sorry Jane, I realize I just ended up venting more of my story instead of saying anything helpful to you. I guess I wanted you to know that you're not alone. I know how you feel and I know how much it hurts. I really hope we can both get through this and be happy again.
Good luck.
Kimber---You know, my first reaction to your "player" comments was, "Nah, not him..." but then I thought about it, and it could very well be true.
I'm so sorry you are hurting but you know what, it is NOT YOU, not at all!!!!
From reading your posts, this man is INSANE and how he could lead you on the way he has and come out and say he just sees you as "one of his other girl-friends" is beyond me!!!
I know it hurts and is easier said then done but hold your chin hi knowing he has serious issues and totally led you and your heart on. Know that it is better you asked now before you invested even more time and more love to this man.
You will be fine, we are all here to help you in anyway we can!
Big hugs to you!!!!! Hang in there!
Hi jane,