How do I have 'The Talk'?
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| Tue, 06-01-2010 - 7:04pm |
Hi ladies
I need advice. To summarize, intense, passionate affair with MM for last 6 months at my workplace, where I am working a contract. About a month and a half ago, AP started feeling guilty and I think a bit freaked out by how intense things were (sex in our offices, constant texting, making all these big plans to see each other) and pulled back a bit. Decided he still wanted us to continue but not so intense. It's been up and down since. Some days it's great and other days, I feel he's distant.
I realize I've been making myself way too available for him, and that it's when I'm busy that he seems to seek me out. So I've resolved to be more busy and not hang around places where he might be (pathetic, I know).
Here's the thing. My contract is over next week and I have no idea where things stand. Today was a very confusing day. It seemed like a couple times he tried to catch me in my office but I had already left (ours are right by each other and I saw him go down the hall right after he'd seen me go down but I had already left). Then we run into each other by our offices and he makes a point of asking if I'm going to be there for awhile and I say a bit, and he says he'll see me in a bit (he had a meeting). Then I make a point of not being there. Finally at the end of the day he catches me in my office, we chat briefly (I feel like it's awkward), then when he goes to leave, he kisses me. I kinda pull back a bit but kiss him.
I have no idea how to read these interactions. I'm so confused. If he doesn't want us to continue, why does he keep kissing me? I never go for the kiss now.
Also, last week we had sex in the office, and then another day was great - really friendly, conversational and open, told me how much he liked me, sought me out. I was helping him out with some work too and he was really appreciative of everything.
But then I text him on the weekend and his response is just kinda boring and pointless. When I say I kind wished we were chilling, no response. Ouch. Meanwhile, the week before he texts me asking me what I'm wearing!
I don't understand!!!!!
My bigger question (and thank you all for being patient enough to read all this as I realized I've rambled a bit), is how do I have 'The Talk'? Do I wait until the last or second to last day? All I can do is think about it but I don't want to be pushy and bring it up too soon. I really want him to bring it up and say he wants to continue but honestly ladies, I don't think he wants to. I keep telling myself that in order to prepare my heart for breaking.
I do want this to continue but we have to figure out how to do this better. Ever since he got scared of our EA and PA, it hasn't been the same. I want us to figure out how we can have this in our lives and enjoy it for what it is, but I have no idea how to undo this weirdness that has developed.
I don't even know if he wants to, that's the main issue though.
How do I have this talk? I should add that I kind of don't want to have this conversation over a rushed lunch in our office, which seems to be the most time we can snag. I feel, given that we've been having an A for 6 months, it deserves a bit more than that. But how do I convery that? And how do I convey what I want? How do I tell him we can figure something out and take it slow? How do I prepare myself for heartbreak?
Many thanks to all who have listened.
Edited 6/1/2010 7:12 pm ET by lucyford99

I wouldn't initiate the talk with him.
anotherseyes
I posted this same question a week ago!
Okay so here's the update.
At work today, it was really good. He kissed me every time he came into my office (I never initiate), was playful, we chatted, and he said I should try to find a job in the area he lives so that we can be close. Also made a kinda negative remark about having to take his DW on a tropical vacation (which actually surprised me because he hasn't said anything negative about her since he told me he was feeling guilty).
When he said I should get a job near him, I said why would I do that? And he was like ouch, well to be close to me. And I said again seriously, why would I want that? Kinda playful but also serious.
So then the topic of my goodbye lunch came up and he said he was going. I'd purposly not invited him because he is so hot and cold with me that if he was cold that day, it would ruin my lunch.
So I kinda spazzed a little and was like wait who invited you? and again he was like ouch, yeah i'm going, and then i said no seriously, i didn't invite you. and he kinda thought I was joking then realized I was serious and was like oh ok. and then (he was in my office looking up something) he kinda just turned away from me and we each went back to the work we were doing and neither of us said anything else. at one point i kinda playfully said did i offend you? and he made a face and said no, but then didn't say anything else.
so my question is, do you think i upset him? i kinda feel like a jerk. more importantly, do you think this is the potential opportunity for a bit of a talk?
i want to very lightly and playfully invite him to my lunch tomorrow and say i didn't mean to be a jerk. but then i was thinking of using the opportunity to say that it's cause he's hot and cold with me and i never know what i'm going to get. and that i wanted to have a nice goodbye lunch with everyone!
i don't now if i could broaden that to not knowing what's going to happen after my contract.
thoughts?
after tomorrow, it's only a few more days next week to put up with if it goes terribly.
come on lovelies! I need some thoughts :)
Ahahaha!