I'm going to ask for NC for 2 weeks
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I'm going to ask for NC for 2 weeks
| Thu, 06-03-2010 - 9:08pm |
Hi all,
Well after giving this some serious thought I am preparing myself to tell AP that I want NC for this next 2 weeks while he is out of town.

Proud to be a
You've
Hi Alive
Wow, I could really relate to a lot of the things you wrote! Being chained to your phone, waiting for the text message ping, feeling like your day is just spent waiting for some kind of contact with them - that's me all over! It's an awful feeling. I feel pathetic and it hurts when I don't hear from him. I now associate the text sound with him so strongly that my heart goes thudding every time it goes off (but for the last month and a half, its rarely been him).
I think that's a good idea to go NC and ask him to think it over. He needs some distance to think things through, without your or his W's influence.
I also can really relate to how his feelings seem to have changed. My AP went from calling me his girlfriend, texting me 24/7, talking about all the 'dates' he wanted to take me on, wanting to see me all the time, to suddenly feeling guilty and wanting things to go slower and less intense. Now he never calls me his girlfriend, or mentions us doing stuff, rarely texts me, and is either hot or cold when he sees me at work.
From your description of your guy (going from for sure wanting to leave the marriage to not sure) and my experiences, I am left with several thoughts.
First, I think both parties fall head over heals and it's so exciting and new at first that both sides get carried away with plans (calling me his girlfriend, wanting to leave the marriage). That continues for awhile. Then inevitably, the novelty wears off and reality his home, that they are having an A, what the repercussions would be of either getting caught or leaving the marriage, and then boom, they are suddenly acting differently and we're left scrambling. I wonder if part of is is that as women, our emotions get more entangled in it.
Ugh, I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what the heck went wrong in my A too and it seems like many other women on this board have had similar experiences (hot at first, lots of talk and promises, then temporary breakups, distancing, mixed messages).
I think you also need to do some serious thinking during the next two weeks. Are you content to continue this A if he won't leave his marriage? If he is hot and cold sometimes? Or is this pretty much an all or nothing point?
Someone else on the board wrote some really good advice I thought, and if my AP does decide he wants to continue the A after my contract expires, I am really going to try and live by this advice.
When you are with him, enjoy that time. Just be with him. But when you're not, which is probably the majority, throw yourself into that life, because that life is your 'real' life (I hate to say). If you can adjust your expectations and be 'in the moment' with whatever person it is you are with, then the silence and distance won't seem so heavy. It's just part of the affair. But I know this is much easier said than done.
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
*hugs*
He will honor my request, not question about that.