just a fling, or am i more to him

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2010
just a fling, or am i more to him
3
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 1:22am

Im trying to understand his reasoning, and if he's just using me for sex or if im somethin more to him.


The 3 of us (him, his wife, and I) met at a convention of an organization we're both active in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 8:31am

I know you're just venting, and maybe you don't want any advice. I'm just trying to understand what I read here.

You say your ex and you had sex once but he couldn't get it in? That could have been a problem with him, not you. If a man doesn't get hard enough, he can't "get it in" so to speak. Was that your only experience with sex up until then? It sounds like it was, if it made you wonder if there was something wrong with you.

If your AP's (affair partner's) wife is having painful sex, why oh why hasn't she gone to the doctor for that?? There are many physical reasons that could be happening, from involuntary muscle tightening, to low lubrication. Everything is easily treatable!! There is no reason to go on for years like that.

From what I read here from you, it seems to me (and this is only an opinion) that your AP enjoys your friendship and his ability to share and vent with you, and he enjoys sex with you, but I don't think he's in love with you. I don't think there's a future there at all.

IMO you should drop them both - friendship with them is not giving you anything valuable, and it's also hurting them. If his wife has shared with you how she has painful sex, I would urge her to see a doctor! That is one good thing you can do for her. She may have been suffering all these years for nothing when it can be fixed.

But you need a real relationship. Seek out a single guy that you can fall in love with.

I wish you the best sweetie. I hope everything works out for you, and that you find a real love! You can vent here any time.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 3:16pm
If, by the title of your post, you are wondering if there could be a future of some sort with him, I would have to say no. In all honesty, this situation/friendship with these two people sounds incredibly unhealthy. If it were me, I would put an end to it, and if you can't seem to break the whole thing off completely, at least put an end to the shenanigans with the husband. You're supposed to be his wife's friend too. Yet, you are betraying her. I suggest taking a good, hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if this is what you aspired to. And then get the heck out of Dodge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Mon, 06-07-2010 - 4:20pm

mm here..

you'll get your answer once you become a friend to him again.. if you'd like the transition to be easier, just tell him you have a new man in your life and you want to dedicate yourself to him, and see how he reacts.. then, cut off all non-friendly stuff with him..

he's your friend. that he proved to you. but you are also using each other for.. all this.. are you more than this to him.. that you are asking the question in the first place means you are not.. and where would the two of you go, what would you do, in your lives, if you did mean more to him. would he leave his wife for you? would you accept him? he's already got another one, or two, and you are in the mix with all that.. hope you are protecting yourself healthwise.. you don't know anything about the other woman/women, do you?

keep him and the wife as friends. move on to a healthy romantic relationship. that's what you and his wife deserve.. not this..

good luck..
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