Broke NC today

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Broke NC today
10
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 1:21am

Well, It was officially day 7 of NC, but more like 10 days b/c we hadn't talked over the holiday weekend, and Tuesday was just a short email exchange.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 8:43am

Have you posted at EAS jane, or are you just lurking there? It's interesting that you posed your question here and not there, if you HAVE posted there.

I think what it is you want to do depends on what you want the final outcome to be. If you truly want to break the addiction of the A and move forward with your life, then the EAS girls have it right, and there should continue to be no contact. Honestly, I HAVE heard of people remaining friends with their APs, but it makes the healing process go extremely slow. I've seen posters go to AAS (after the affair) sometimes because they DO want to remain friends with their AP - something unacceptable at EAS. But again, I gotta say for MOST, the EAS way of "no contact" makes the most sense.

I'm so SO sorry about your daughter. I can only imagine how hard that whole situation is. I can understand wanting to lose yourself in something else for awhile. Is there any other substitute you can use to lose yourself once in awhile? A passion, hobby, something that can consume you?

I hope your daughter recovers quickly! Positive thoughts and vibes coming your way!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 3:12pm
Just sending you hugs! I don't think you are imagining anything. I can relate to what you are going through on many levels. It is hard to make a clean break. Only you can decide what is best for you. I hope your daughter feels better too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 06-08-2010 - 7:58pm

I think the fact that you are concerned with how this is affecting him and feeling bad for the NC (not knowing the grandfather died) really demonstrates how much you care about him but he's not the person you should be concerned with.

I'm like that too, always worrying about other people's feelings, like my AP, when I'm the one hurting (and sometimes being hurt by him).

You really have to focus on yourself in this situation. He probably likes how you make him feel, knowing that you like him boosts his self-esteem. But if he's made it clear that he doesn't have the same feelings, then this will likely continue to hurt you.

If you are okay with flirting but never fully getting what you want (most of us are in that position!), then keep it up.

But if it hurts, then NC is probably the only way to go. It will hurt horribly at first but that might be better than continual pain.

You're in a really tough situation and I can tell how much you are hurting. :(

Good luck! We are here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Wed, 06-09-2010 - 12:14am

This isn't about him, jane, this is about you.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 1:11am

First, thanks about my daughter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 1:12am
Thanks, jerseygirl.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 1:23am
"But if he's made it clear that he doesn't have the same feelings, then this will likely continue to hurt you.

If you are okay with flirting but never fully getting what you want (most of us are in that position!), then keep it up."


I originally read this thread a few days ago but couldn't post from a work computer, but these lines stuck in my head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 1:27am
I know your words makes sense, but when it comes down to it, I don't want to force anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 1:59am
Oh as a side note, since this is no longer an A, I won't be posting about myself on here anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
In reply to: janejosie
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 11:51am
I completely understand!

anotherseyes