Married & Married Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2010
Married & Married Affair
5
Wed, 06-09-2010 - 7:44pm
ok, here's my story...


Edited 6/13/2010 1:04 am ET by julied4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2010
Wed, 06-09-2010 - 10:46pm

I met a great gal on these boards and we have been emailing back and forth outside this forum for the past two years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 7:51am

I totally understand where you're coming from. I know for a fact I could not walk out on my H and my marriage - just couldn't do it. I knew that right upfront though, and always said it - can't do it. I think, when the goal of leaving was far away in some distant time, you were able to think about doing it, but now that it's right HERE, you are realizing all the ramifications of it.

But what it comes down to is - if your marriage is truly bad, you are better off alone than in your marriage. Even though you really DON'T know if he will leave his marriage or not, it shouldn't matter. If you really want to leave, you should leave anyway.

If your marriage isn't that bad, then you should change your stance and tell him you don't want to leave. Think about "fixing" your marriage, or concentrating on it a little more.

With me, I know it's not my marriage that would need "fixing", it's ME.

Anyway, it just seems like you are getting cold feet when the time is here for you to "jump", so to speak. Maybe that means you should slow down and think a little more about what you really want.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Thu, 06-10-2010 - 9:11am

Its pretty normal to be scared.Basically you are in transition from fantasy to reality and real life comes with a lot of fall out,so to speak.Dont hurry.Take baby steps with enough time to think about things as they really are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 11:56am

"But what it comes down to is - if your marriage is truly bad, you are better off alone than in your marriage. Even though you really DON'T know if he will leave his marriage or not, it shouldn't matter. If you really want to leave, you should leave anyway.


If your marriage isn't that bad, then you should change your stance and tell him you don't want to leave. Think about "fixing" your marriage, or concentrating on it a little more. "


ITA with this.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 8:39pm
As a MW that left her M -- I have to agree w/ the previous posters. Did I leave my M hoping it would would work out w/ my AP? YES! But, I was also VERY honest w/ myself that I could not leave my M "just" for my AP. AP might have been a catalyst for helping me make the final decision to move forward w/ a separation/divorce, (since I had never really been content or happy in 10 yrs of marriage) BUT, I got MY OWN apt. (instead of moving in w/ AP) & gave myself time as a SW to just "date" AP (he was single) & to even see if we would actually "work" in a RL relationship outside the "Affair Fantasy". And, I too have 2 kids -- so, I understand the difficulty of going forward w/ that type of decision when children are involved. Long story short, my story has gone "well" so far (by NO means does that mean it's been "easy"!) I am now living w/ AP & we are expecting a baby in November. And, it going well w/ the ex too -- he's very happy & in love w/ the woman he's now with as well & they plan on getting married next year-- and the kids are doing FINE!!! They love my AP & they also love their "2nd Mom" (as they call her). Yes, they are young (8 & 4) so, maybe that makes the adjustments a little easier (though not a "walk in the park"). So, in my case -- I went w/ my "gut" feelings, that I knew ex-DH & I BOTH "Could" have a chance @ "real happiness" if I had the guts to just end the unhappy M (knowing DH would NEVER end it, no matter how "unhappy" we were, just because he was @ least "comfortable" in the security of being married & having a "trophy wife" to show of to all his friends). So, I guess sometimes, you just need to sit back, silence the "chatter" in your mind & see how you really "feel" (deep down in your spirit) what the truth about whether you should stay in your marriage is...
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