Q: What is a bad marriage, Fuzzy Thinkin

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Registered: 06-08-2010
Q: What is a bad marriage, Fuzzy Thinkin
8
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 12:24pm

Ok...many have said, if you have a bad marriage and are unhappy then you should leave for that reason... e you the mo>


Edited 6/13/2010 1:03 am ET by julied4me
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 12:36pm

Saw my nick, so I must reply! :-)

mm here, in an A with a mw.. been divorced once..

for me, the decision to leave back then was based on what i felt in my heart, which, at that time, was nothing, null, zero. i didn't want to be in a M with an empty heart for the rest of my life. the D came at huge financial and other costs to me as well, but i thought what's the price of freedom and back then, i was young enough, and i am glad i did.

you've expressed some complicated realities quite well, especially in later years' of one's life. my situation now is quite similar to what you describe and i agree with you. as long as both APs are in agreement, this kind of an arrangement solves a lot of problems. who says the french don't know what they are doing? at least sometimes.

i actually don't think it is sick, but a necessary evil. everyone wins as long as no one knows about it. what in life is really black and white after all?

good writing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 3:04pm

Julie, this is a really a good question to ask and a tough question to

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 4:58pm

This is a good question, and I'm sure everyone has a slightly different (if not completely different opinion) on what a "bad marriage" is.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 6:08pm

Another,


My therapist once told me my AP was "vital to my survival." I didn't totally get what she was saying until she explained that I was getting something from him that I needed as a human to

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 7:52pm

You've gotten a lot of good and thoughtful advice here.

I just wanted to comment on this: "Is it really wrong to get your needs met from 2 different men?"

I suppose it is "wrong" to some degree - but I've been doing it for many years, and as long as it seems to be working I'll probably continue to do it.

I think the problem is that it rarely does REALLY work. Someone ends up wanting more, usually, or there is a discovery that devastates many people. I think my situation is as rare as the ones where the APs end up in a successful relationship.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 06-11-2010 - 8:15pm

Thank you, always:).


Rest assured, my leaving my M has nothing to do with AP, aside from the fact that he's inadvertently given me the courage to do so.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2010
Sat, 06-12-2010 - 4:49pm

Although I am not married, I have been with BF for 10 years, and have left before only to come back. I am now standing at the fork in the road that leads to a better life or the same life I am living now. We have no children together ( I have 3 that are 23,21 and 19) My BF is an alcoholic and that will never change, he admits to the problem but refuses to seek help. He is emotionally abusive but never physically.


He pays all the bills, I only have to worry about my personal bills, I don't make as much money as him, he has always supported me financially. My AP is married but just recently told me that his marriage is stagnant, he doesn't want to be in a stagnant relationship and he doesn't think that I do either, he asked when I was leaving my BF.


I am terrified to leave and be on my own. I would be living by myself with no children. I turn 40 this month and I have always thought that my life would be in order and I could enjoy the new chapter in my life. Only to discover that I would be starting my life all over again. I am scared that when i leave my BF and am available to be with AP, that he wont leave his marriage and then I am all alone.


It isn't carved in stone that we will live a happy ever after, I have to make the decision to leave and heal

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
Sun, 06-13-2010 - 5:48pm
I left after twenty five years and while scary as hell I have NO regrets leaving the marriage.