Tomorrow's The Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Tomorrow's The Day
8
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 4:04pm
After a week of very little communication, the squirrels were starting to run wild. I had pretty much decided MM was just blowing me off. After my lunch/drink invite that it was loud and clear to him where I was coming from and he decided he didn't want any part of it. Especially since he worked off site last week and this week he was back, but hadn't tried to make any contact with me. I had hoped we could get together before I left on vacation. I wanted to clear the air between us or have some sort of talk to try and figure out what is going on between us, if anything or if it is all in my head.
The only benefit to this past week of almost NC gave me plenty of time to think. I know I am not imagining the flirtation, flirty emails, lunches, Harley ride, that have all happened these past two months. I know there is some interest on his part. I don't know to what extent, I don't know if he even knows. He is always happy to go along, but I seem to initiate more often than not.
So today I needed something work related. He told me to stop by and we spent about 30 sec talking about the work related item and one hour talking about other stuff, catching up. He told me he would be free for lunch tomorrow, so we will do that.
So now I feel like I am back where I started-I really enjoy his company and talking with him and am afraid if I "come out" and tell him how I feel about him (even though I suspect he knows) that he will pull back. Then again, if I don't say anything, I will continue to be in this limbo. It is a tough spot that I am sure many of you have been in. What should I do? If I do decide to fess up, what do I say? Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
I also found out that he will not be leaving my building at the end of July, but will start another project here in the late Summer. I told him I was very happy about that and that he would still have me hanging around and "pestering" him and he told me I wasn't "pestering" him.
Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 06-15-2010 - 10:25pm

I wish I had some advice for you, but at least in this particular situation, my A began mutually, and neither one of us had to wonder if there was interest or anything like that.


I can tell you that when I've had other questions/issues in the A, I've been upfront and honest with him.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 12:06am

Haha!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 6:04pm
Thinking of you and hoping today went well!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 10:13pm
Okay, here's the scoop from lunch today. We go to lunch at this place neither of us have been to-Indian food because he likes it. Anyway, we get there and it is very dimly lit, quiet, and the seats are more like couches with low tables-a very romantic atmosphere and it was totally not premeditated. We had to sit closer than you would at a table with chairs-it was nice :). Anyway, I chickened out and didn't say anything about "us." When we got back to work, he had to run to a meeting and I was leaving early because of trip tomorrow. I told him I'd miss him and he told me to text him if I could. I went back to my office and sent him an email to give me a call after his meeting and he replied he would. He did and we talked and I told him over the phone. I know-chicken, but I did it! :) I just came out and told him I enjoyed spending time with him, lunches with him, flirting with him and that I was attracted to him and didn't know what to do about it. He told me he feels the same way and has been thinking long and hard about it and isn't sure if he can move forward because of the hurt he would cause his family, etc. I told him that our friendship was my first priority and that he didn't have to make any decisions at this moment, but that I wanted to tell him how I felt and know if he felt the same or if it was just one sided. I told him I didn't want to leave my marriage, but I would like to have an affair with him and he said he didn't know how we could do it. It was a very light conversation and I think we both came away with feeling good and validated that we are both on the same page with our feelings, but not knowing what to do about them. We agreed we would continue to spend time together and see what happens. He told me he was fine with all that's been going on so far and didn't feel I was being pushy or too flirty. He apologized about his minimal contact the week before-I think you were right that he was also trying to sort stuff out. I asked him why he didn't want to get a drink and he told me because if we did we wouldn't come back! :)He told me if he was working a night shift again we could do that. So I will go on vacation tomorrow with a smile on my face and I will look forward to coming back to see him and we'll just have to see what happens. At least now I know-not that anything will ever come of it, but I know he is interested because he told me. Thanks for the encouragement to just put it out there. To be continued....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Wed, 06-16-2010 - 11:11pm

I know you will probably get a lot of warnings and "be carefuls"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 1:28am

It made me giggly, too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 9:05am
I look forward to catching up with you when I get back unless I get connected abroad. It sounds like your "just a friend" is having trouble resisting your charms. As you told me about my situation, they just need more time to get comfortable with the idea. We have already thought it all through and they aren't up to speed yet. It's good that they make the decision on their own so they don't feel coerced and they feel in control of their actions. Let's just try to enjoy and live in the moment. Very hard to do I know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 11:01am

Hey Jersey!

I am so happy for you! I am totally writing this and smiling.
Everything that you wrote sounds promising and reasonable. Some of us (it seems the women often) have done a lot of thinking about having an A and are 'ready', but it seems like men can sometimes balk at the idea, even though they feel the same thing (not trying to generalize but something I've noticed in everyone's posts). I'm not surprised to hear that he has the same feelings for you but it too nervous at the moment to pursue a PA, but you guys are definitely having an EA, and EAs often become PAs!

My AP was super into things at first then backed way off because he felt guilty and was nervous about getting caught. So I played it cool (which was enormously difficult and felt like torture and I cried a lot) but it totally worked because he realized he wanted us to continue. Now I try and just enjoy what I can get, and have the mentality that 'what happens, happens'. If we're meant to continue, we will, but I can't force him into the A or to get over his guilt.

I think you should do exactly what you said, go with the flow, enjoy it for what it is, keep up the flirting and being irresistable, and I wouldn't be surprised if things develop from there.
Just make sure to keep your emotions and fantasies in check, because it hurts when the crash down on you. Let him work through his issues on his own time, and just be the awesome, hot, flirty, cool and conversational woman that you are. Show him why he should want you!

I'm very pleased for you Jerseygirl!

On a side note, I just have to share that my AP finally texted me! I hadn't heard from him since Thursday, my last day of my contract where we worked. I was totally starting to spazz and the squirrels were going INSANE, but he texted me a cute message today! I'm waiting to respond, I don't want to just jump right away when he texts. Gotta give him a bit of his own medicine since I've only been waiting to hear from him since, oh, last Friday! LOL.

Having an A isn't for the faint of heart ladies and gentlemen.

Good luck Jersey!