not ready to stop...
Find a Conversation
not ready to stop...
| Fri, 06-18-2010 - 9:58am |
ok i have been lurking around reading these postings and have finally decided to come out...I started off on the EAS board but I realize that I'm not ready to end my affair right now..so I'm here for some advice.

Pages
Hi, I am new to the board here too. I have been in my A for over 1 1/2 years, it is complicated, but I believe I am the one who makes it complicated.
I need to remember it for what it is an A. If it was more then affair, both of us would be willing to leave our marriages.
Just yesterday I read a reply post to someone that said, "When your are with your AP, be with him! When you are at home be with your family, they deserve you" it was sound advice and made me feel less crazy.
Another helpful comment to share:
"Don't allow someone to be your everything, when you are only an option to them"
In an affair, we are options to each other. Enjoy what you have when you have it, but stop making yourself crazy with longing for something you can not have, at this point in time.
I hope you can find some peace and harmony. I have had many struggles, but reading here helps me keep perspective.
Well said Frisky.
It's so true. Our AP's our only like, 5% of our life but we let them become 100% when we obsess over them. The As are not our 'real life', it's the lives we have with our SO that are.
When we ruminate and obsess over our AP, we just do our real family a disservice. We have to not let them become more than they really are. When we are with them, be with them. But when we are not, go back to your real life.
Fill your time with friends, family, and in generally just keep busy. That is the ONLY way I can keep my sanity.
That said, it is definitely easier said than done and I am still struggling to find that balance and hot and cold APs make it VERY hard.
Good luck!
Very well said, frisky.
Unfortunately for me, it's just not that easy.
anotherseyes
Such good advise !! and EXACTLY what I needed to hear. I have been obsessing over my AP and his wife/family/life. They appear to be sooo perfect it makes me crazy knowing that I know it's not but no one else does.
Hi all,
Believe me I know how the advice given on this board is "easier said then done!" Basically this is how I see it. We as women multi-task and are driven by emotions. Men on the other hand focus on what is at hand right now. This is not to say they do not think of us or need us, but they don't seem to dwell on it as we do. So we need to look for the good, and if we can not, then we need to move away from the A. Which I know, I can not do at this point. But if I do not learn how to cope with this, I will crash and burn. In turn then I will not be good for myself, my family or my AP.
OMG Frisky- that was a huge light-bulb moment for me. I am so NOT with my family, when Im actually with my family- it is the worst part of this whole A.
As was said, the A is such a small part of my week in hours, but it is 99.99999% of my thinking. I am almost dysfunctional in my life some days! Gawd it such an addiction.
I am trying very hard to keep it in its A box. I totally agree with what was just said, that women multi-task so we think about everything a lot. Men are very single focussed and this can be frustrating for women and sometimes makes the A easier for men.
I am going to follow your advice. Be with him when Im with him but be at work/home/with friends when im with them. And by this I mean mentally, physically and emotionally!!!! I know this A will end one day (I love my family and wont leave them), so I have to stop obsessing and torturing myself!!!
God give me strength to krep this in its box
Hi
I would try and stick with occasionally (often) being the one to end your conversations.
Thanks, Bird and I know men are a different breed!!!
Pages