Having a hard time today

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Having a hard time today
6
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 10:45am
AP has always tried to hold back but all the next steps but always gets ahead of himself. He wants to end things in the fall before we get caught. He knows I love him and he says he has feelings too, it's not one sided, but I am having a hard time knowing it has to end. We have a trip planned in Sept and things have to stop after that. I don't think he can. We tried to slow things down many times and he gets carried away and we end up back to this point every time. It would be a lot easier if we could end it and not see each other again, but he is my husbands best friend and we already promised to stay friends. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get the love out of my head. He is happy at home, we both tried to end our marriages very early on, but both failed. He said though if he ever split with his wife he would hope it's not to late with me. I am hopelessly in love with him and can't help but hope I can change his mind before the fall.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:00am
Oh Lost! You are in such a tough spot, and I feel for you!!



I know you're hoping with all of your might that he will change his mind and not end the A. But have you looked down the road a bit to see where that road would lead? You'd be forever under the sword of Damocles... wondering when it will fall, wondering when you will have to go through the inevitable devastation. You know that there's no escaping it forever. So any happiness at his changing his mind will be bittersweet, when you know you're only postponing your pain, not avoiding it. Is that really how you want to live the foreseeable future?



I think the fact that your AP is your husband's best friend would make discovery more traumatic than most, and you're lucky there hasn't been one yet. If you end it when you plan to do so, you just might be able to prevent that extremely horrible d-day from happening. If you don't, there's a much greater chance of it happening, and devastating everyone involved, including kids. Have you read the "d-day" thread in "resources" below? Please take a look at it.



If you could just muster up the will to take the reins and end it all yourself, you would be giving yourself so much more power, and I think you'd have more peace with the decision, instead of just letting HIM take the reins and have the power.



Whatever you decide, know that we're here for you through anything. If it does end, whether from him or from you, you might want to look at the EAS board - lurk if you don't want to post, post when you're ready. There's a wealth of information there that will help you tremendously, along with some wonderful women who will help you every step of the way if you need it.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 12:42pm

Thank you CL! It's nice to know someone knows how I feel.

I have been lurking on the EAS board for a while now, since I"ve known we have to end it. I"m not sure if I will fit in there since I am not willing to go no contact.

I know I should be the strong one and end it first but I still have that I want more feeling. If I ended it now I wouldn't be satisified. NOt sure that I ever will be though? I don't want to let go of him. For me it was love at first site 10 yrs ago. Our feelings only came out in the open in the last 6 months or so. I would drop my life in a heartbeat to be with him. We are both torn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 4:56pm

Hi Lost,


I feel for you! As the days go by having to wait on something that you feel so much for possibly end but maybe this coming to an end is what you need to do some soul searching and see what you really want and need. After all this is your H best friend and this could get really ugly if everyone found out. Wouldn't want you to be hurt more then you already are. Wishing you the best to come your way.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 7:04pm
ok I know you might not like what I am saying but let me give you a different perspective . Basically what I see is that your posts have a lot of me ,me & me in it , may be if you read it again you will feel the same .



As others have already mentioned ,you are having an affair with your husband's best friend & there is a huge possibility of being caught out & it can be extreamly painful for your husband to find out about both of you & yet you are perfectly ok with that ? .



As you said you can drop anything to be with your ap , why can't you first get out of your marriage , get rid of your husband & then continue with ap . do you really want to string your husband along with you while you are in love with his best friend ?

Best of luck




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:25pm

Your husband's best friend?

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 12:27am

Your right, I don't want to hear it, but it's the reality of it. How do you let someone go that you love so much? I want nothing more than to be with him. He is not ready to leave his wife, he tried but it was too tough. I'm still flip flopping over whether I want to leave my husband or not.

As far as getting caught, we hang out by ourselves every now again so unless we got caught red handed it's pretty hard. We have cut back on that and the texting so no one gets suspicious but it's in the open that we do occasionally.

I know I am being selfish not wanting to end the affair. Thing is I secretly lusted after this man for 10 years. When we finally went forward it was like a dream come true. I can't bring myself to want to give it up.