my first A. Confused. No Emotion at all
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my first A. Confused. No Emotion at all
| Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:13am |
Lurker looking for answers..
Quick recap: Met last year. had sex within 2 weeks.
| Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:13am |
Lurker looking for answers..
Quick recap: Met last year. had sex within 2 weeks.
My first A was like this.
Hi Crisperz,
I think he's taking this A with you for what it is, just sex. He has no feelings invested into it, he's basically getting what he wants from it and keeps it moving. Alot of people can detach themselves from feelings and sex and unfortunately I think you have some type of feelings for him because if you didn't then it wouldn't bother you.
Take it for what it is "sex". Like the saying goes "it is, what it is". If your not being satisfied and getting what you want from this A then remove yourself from it. I know its easier said then done because I'm addicted to my AP and find it very difficult to let him go but if your not so attached and find it easy to let him go then go for it.
Wish you luck!
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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My opinion?
anotherseyes
After rereading my post I have made it sound much worse than it is.
Let me try to answer your questions one by one:
How can he have such detached sex? Because guys can do that better than we can. There's a chemical reason. When we are having good sex (which is basically any sex that excites us a lot or with someone we care about) our bodies (sneaky traitors that they are) produce a chemical called oxytocin. This is a wonder of a feel good drug that actually has a "bonding" component. We make it when we nurse babies too!! It's nature's super glue, ensuring that we want to stay with one guy long enough to raise any offspring at least till they can walk LOL. If we didn't bond to our lovers, it would have been a tough life back in the cavemen days. Single moms did not last long, nor did their children. OK enough of chemistry 101. Anyway men do make the chemical, but not to the same degree we do. We get attached pretty quickly when we're having good sex.
"I find myself thinking about him a lot. Is this normal?" Absolutely. Look around here. There is much talk of thinking almost obsessively about the AP. For one thing you're craving that drug LOL. He probably thinks about you too, not necessarily the same way. If it's mostly a physical thing for him, he thinks about you and fantasizes when he wants sex.
"Never once has he gone south or made sure I am finished too. Once he's done its over." BIG red flag there. He's in it for his satisfaction. Yours doesn't matter. This screams "he's in it for the sex only".
Naughty grins don't "mean" anything. They give you nothing. They require nothing from him. It doesn't mean he has feelings. It only means he isn't ignoring you. Why would he ignore you - it would probably mean he wouldn't be able to have sex with you again!
I guess his actions, to me, indicate that this is "just sex" for him. If that's basically what you want and it brings you some happiness/excitement, than go for it! If it makes you unhappy then walk away. DON'T feel guilty about that part either, he will not suffer from you leaving him! I think you really want more than he's willing to give you.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Thanks for all the replies.