Perils of "Friendship"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Perils of "Friendship"
11
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 11:54am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 1:22pm

Given your usage of the word "perils", I'd say in your heart you know the answers to your questions :)


AP and I ended for a few months...I knew NADA about A's and was in excruciating pain...honestly, like nothing I'd ever been through before, and I've been through some rough stuff.


I read every book, article and I think every post over on EAS and AAS...and sought therapy. I tell you, I was REELING! Through it all, I was convinced there was no way I could possibly cut him out of my life entirely (and he also left our mutual ending on a note of "we'll always be friends...")...sought the therapy b/c I was terrified I was going to "snap" and turn into some crazy, psycho, fatal-attraction stalker LOL!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 3:47pm
OK, well the original post was deleted, but Kimber, you give such awesome advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 8:17pm
Aw...Thanks, Jane :) I'm not a therapist, but I play one on TV ;) School of hard knocks, sister...and many of those "knocks" hit me long before A. Glad to share...it helps me, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:05pm

Really insighful post hiskimber!

And it's funny the way our minds can work differently. When I saw wisingup's post titled "perils of friendship", I thought it was because of the number of posts we've had lately from people either in an A with their best friend's husband, or their husband's best friend, or their husband's brother, etc. I thought wisingup was going to say that "friendship" isn't all it's cracked up to be LOL. But the post was empty so I guess I won't know for sure what wisingup meant.

FWIW, I don't judge people in any affairs, even those with friend's husband's etc. Years ago, before women really worked, if a woman had an affair it was likely to be either a family member (in-law or family member's husband) or a friend of her husband because those were the people she had contact with! The truth is, we develop feelings for people we see (or talk to/e-mail/text) frequently, and those people are often the most inappropriate for an affair. If I strongly discourage those types of affairs it's because of the potential nuclear bomb of a d-day, and lasting effects, even worse than typical affairs with workmates or old b/f's etc. And if someone is "just thinking" of one of those types of affairs I might seem awfully harsh about them but I'm really trying to make them see the potential future of such a connection.

Then again, that might not be what wisingup was talking about LOL...

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:09pm

The generic gist was that it's HARD AS HECK to go from lovers to friends and the inherent problems one encounters in trying to do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:25pm
Ahhh so you got to read it. Wonder why she deleted it? It's a great topic!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 10:58pm
So, is it possible to go from lovers to friends if you were friends first? My AP tells me often that I am such a "good friend". He claims he is not emotionally attached to me but actions definately speak louder than words. I have (difficult as it is) mentally put a block on any growing emotions for this man. I know it will end, just not sure if it will have to be me who puts the final kabosh on it. I don't dream about him and I have learned not to obsess over him. Overall, I would have to say that this whole experience has been something I can learn from and I try to dwell on the positives and not the negatives. It is an addiction, for sure. Some can quit
cold turkey, and others have to slowly wean...I think I am the latter in this situation. I am enjoying every moment I have with my AP for the moment I have him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 12:45am

Love reading your posts kimber!

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 1:34am
I dont think AP and I will ever be able to become "just friends".
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 8:12am

Thanks, another :) ...one book on the dynamics of A's??? If so, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.

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