Given your usage of the word "perils", I'd say in your heart you know the answers to your questions :)
AP and I ended for a few months...I knew NADA about A's and was in excruciating pain...honestly, like nothing I'd ever been through before, and I've been through some rough stuff.
I read every book, article and I think every post over on EAS and AAS...and sought therapy. I tell you, I was REELING! Through it all, I was convinced there was no way I could possibly cut him out of my life entirely (and he also left our mutual ending on a note of "we'll always be friends...")...sought the therapy b/c I was terrified I was going to "snap" and turn into some crazy, psycho, fatal-attraction stalker LOL!
Aw...Thanks, Jane :) I'm not a therapist, but I play one on TV ;) School of hard knocks, sister...and many of those "knocks" hit me long before A. Glad to share...it helps me, too.
And it's funny the way our minds can work differently. When I saw wisingup's post titled "perils of friendship", I thought it was because of the number of posts we've had lately from people either in an A with their best friend's husband, or their husband's best friend, or their husband's brother, etc. I thought wisingup was going to say that "friendship" isn't all it's cracked up to be LOL. But the post was empty so I guess I won't know for sure what wisingup meant.
FWIW, I don't judge people in any affairs, even those with friend's husband's etc. Years ago, before women really worked, if a woman had an affair it was likely to be either a family member (in-law or family member's husband) or a friend of her husband because those were the people she had contact with! The truth is, we develop feelings for people we see (or talk to/e-mail/text) frequently, and those people are often the most inappropriate for an affair. If I strongly discourage those types of affairs it's because of the potential nuclear bomb of a d-day, and lasting effects, even worse than typical affairs with workmates or old b/f's etc. And if someone is "just thinking" of one of those types of affairs I might seem awfully harsh about them but I'm really trying to make them see the potential future of such a connection.
Then again, that might not be what wisingup was talking about LOL...
Proud to be a
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Ahhh so you got to read it. Wonder why she deleted it? It's a great topic!
Proud to be a
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
So, is it possible to go from lovers to friends if you were friends first? My AP tells me often that I am such a "good friend". He claims he is not emotionally attached to me but actions definately speak louder than words. I have (difficult as it is) mentally put a block on any growing emotions for this man. I know it will end, just not sure if it will have to be me who puts the final kabosh on it. I don't dream about him and I have learned not to obsess over him. Overall, I would have to say that this whole experience has been something I can learn from and I try to dwell on the positives and not the negatives. It is an addiction, for sure. Some can quit cold turkey, and others have to slowly wean...I think I am the latter in this situation. I am enjoying every moment I have with my AP for the moment I have him.
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Given your usage of the word "perils", I'd say in your heart you know the answers to your questions :)
AP and I ended for a few months...I knew NADA about A's and was in excruciating pain...honestly, like nothing I'd ever been through before, and I've been through some rough stuff.
I read every book, article and I think every post over on EAS and AAS...and sought therapy. I tell you, I was REELING! Through it all, I was convinced there was no way I could possibly cut him out of my life entirely (and he also left our mutual ending on a note of "we'll always be friends...")...sought the therapy b/c I was terrified I was going to "snap" and turn into some crazy, psycho, fatal-attraction stalker LOL!
Really insighful post hiskimber!
And it's funny the way our minds can work differently. When I saw wisingup's post titled "perils of friendship", I thought it was because of the number of posts we've had lately from people either in an A with their best friend's husband, or their husband's best friend, or their husband's brother, etc. I thought wisingup was going to say that "friendship" isn't all it's cracked up to be LOL. But the post was empty so I guess I won't know for sure what wisingup meant.
FWIW, I don't judge people in any affairs, even those with friend's husband's etc. Years ago, before women really worked, if a woman had an affair it was likely to be either a family member (in-law or family member's husband) or a friend of her husband because those were the people she had contact with! The truth is, we develop feelings for people we see (or talk to/e-mail/text) frequently, and those people are often the most inappropriate for an affair. If I strongly discourage those types of affairs it's because of the potential nuclear bomb of a d-day, and lasting effects, even worse than typical affairs with workmates or old b/f's etc. And if someone is "just thinking" of one of those types of affairs I might seem awfully harsh about them but I'm really trying to make them see the potential future of such a connection.
Then again, that might not be what wisingup was talking about LOL...
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
The generic gist was that it's HARD AS HECK to go from lovers to friends and the inherent problems one encounters in trying to do it.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
cold turkey, and others have to slowly wean...I think I am the latter in this situation. I am enjoying every moment I have with my AP for the moment I have him.
Love reading your posts kimber!
anotherseyes
Thanks, another :) ...one book on the dynamics of A's??? If so, "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.
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