Hi Jane..You are so right on the nose about the whys. I'm also sorry to hear about the condition with your daughter...I hope things get better. I have asked myself the same thing for quite some time...however, I no longer have the option to end it since he ended it yesterday and I am devastated despite what it put me through. Regardless we are miserable with or without them...and I now must get myself to the point of knowing it was for the best...which I know will take a very long time. I am currently in therapy and I am going to try to heal and work on myself. I also need to deal with these feelings around my husband which I also struggle with my feelings about. You can read my post...
Anyhow, good luck with your A and what brings of it..I wish you the best and I feel your pain..Hugs to you:) I am here as well as many others for sure.
Hi Jane - It is hard to say why we have A's. I never in a million years thought that I would be someone who would! When I used to hear about a couple where one had cheated, I would think WOW...how could they? And feel as though I was better than them somehow because "I" would never do something like that.
Well - here I am...not only having one A...but two!!! What does that say about me? I don't know. Like you, my son was diagnosed with a medical condition last year that will affect him for the rest of his life.
Dealing with therapy, school, doctor's visits, official diagnosis, all of it left me so stressed...and my H and I dealt with the news in completely different ways. I worry about the future constantly...will he be ok...how will he manage in a year when he goes to middle school and he is no longer in the safe cocoon that he has in elementary school? It can become overwhelming. My H on the other hand doesn't look beyond today and that right now he is ok. It doesn't matter the statistics of difficulties likely to arise in middle school to him. That is still more than a year away and so in his mind it is not something to worry about now.
So - for me - this A...or rather these A's is a stress reliever, and an escape from the reality of real life..and probably also why I choose LD A's. I don't have the time or energy to have an AP that lives close by and try to arrange frequent visits. With my first AP...he lives across the country...we have only been together one time since we first met 8 months ago.
New AP lives 5 hours away...so while it is a little easier, it will still be a every 3 or 4 months kind of thing. I love the online chatting, texting etc. and for me..that is the thrill and high that I crave.
So...I totally get where you're coming from. I probably need to be in therapy too...figure out how to deal with everything in a better way than having A's.
Just wanted to send you a cyber ((((HUG)))) and let you know that I understand.
I think we are very similar. Like you I realise that my A is actually a bandaid for something- I just wish I could work out what that thing is, and how I can fix it!
The A was great at the start, and now has great parts, but there are many many many more parts of the affair that make me feel stressed, anxious, obsessive and
"So why do we do it? I dont know. Someone here recommended a book called 'Why Good People Have Affairs'. Its not available here, I'll have to order it, but I read some of it online- it looks great!"
Hiskimber recommended it, and I just bought it yesterday; can't wait to read it!
Your last paragraph echoes with me every day of my life. I feel exactly the same and I want to know what is wrong with me that I continue to act wreckless, jeopardizing my family for someone who really doesn't know me my habits, my faults. What am I doing is the question that haunts me.
I'm so feeling you! Hope we find the answers that we are looking for.
Hey, we could have a book club. The only thing is, I can't have a book lying around the house called "When Good People Have Affairs" LOL... I'll have to pass up that discussion, but those of you who read it should definitely start a discussion about it!
Proud to be a
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Hi Jane..You are so right on the nose about the whys. I'm also sorry to hear about the condition with your daughter...I hope things get better. I have asked myself the same thing for quite some time...however, I no longer have the option to end it since he ended it yesterday and I am devastated despite what it put me through. Regardless we are miserable with or without them...and I now must get myself to the point of knowing it was for the best...which I know will take a very long time. I am currently in therapy and I am going to try to heal and work on myself. I also need to deal with these feelings around my husband which I also struggle with my feelings about. You can read my post...
Anyhow, good luck with your A and what brings of it..I wish you the best and I feel your pain..Hugs to you:)
I am here as well as many others for sure.
Hi Jane - It is hard to say why we have A's. I never in a million years thought that I would be someone who would! When I used to hear about a couple where one had cheated, I would think WOW...how could they? And feel as though I was better than them somehow because "I" would never do something like that.
Well - here I am...not only having one A...but two!!! What does that say about me? I don't know. Like you, my son was diagnosed with a medical condition last year that will affect him for the rest of his life.
Dealing with therapy, school, doctor's visits, official diagnosis, all of it left me so stressed...and my H and I dealt with the news in completely different ways. I worry about the future constantly...will he be ok...how will he manage in a year when he goes to middle school and he is no longer in the safe cocoon that he has in elementary school? It can become overwhelming.
My H on the other hand doesn't look beyond today and that right now he is ok. It doesn't matter the statistics of difficulties likely to arise in middle school to him. That is still more than a year away and so in his mind it is not something to worry about now.
So - for me - this A...or rather these A's is a stress reliever, and an escape from the reality of real life..and probably also why I choose LD A's. I don't have the time or energy to have an AP that lives close by and try to arrange frequent visits. With my first AP...he lives across the country...we have only been together one time since we first met 8 months ago.
New AP lives 5 hours away...so while it is a little easier, it will still be a every 3 or 4 months kind of thing. I love the online chatting, texting etc. and for me..that is the thrill and high that I crave.
So...I totally get where you're coming from. I probably need to be in therapy too...figure out how to deal with everything in a better way than having A's.
Just wanted to send you a cyber ((((HUG)))) and let you know that I understand.
Thanks for the responses.
I couldn't begin to tell you why I'm in an A.
anotherseyes
Hi Jane
I think we are very similar. Like you I realise that my A is actually a bandaid for something- I just wish I could work out what that thing is, and how I can fix it!
The A was great at the start, and now has great parts, but there are many many many more parts of the affair that make me feel stressed, anxious, obsessive and
"So why do we do it? I dont know. Someone here recommended a book called 'Why Good People Have Affairs'. Its not available here, I'll have to order it, but I read some of it online- it looks great!"
Hiskimber recommended it, and I just bought it yesterday; can't wait to read it!
anotherseyes
Hi Janejosie,
Your last paragraph echoes with me every day of my life. I feel exactly the same and I want to know what is wrong with me that I continue to act wreckless, jeopardizing my family for someone who really doesn't know me my habits, my faults. What am I doing is the question that haunts me.
I'm so feeling you! Hope we find the answers that we are looking for.
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
anotherseyes
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