Tossing & Turning...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tossing & Turning...
5
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 4:55pm

Hello,


So Saturday was the big day where I ended things with AP. This weekend was just so emotional. I went to a BBQ and I was doing real good and then I was alone for a few minutes and broke down in the bathroom. The heart ache from missing him hit me all at once. My little one was looking for me and noticed I was crying. He rubbed my back and said he'd get me some candy so I can feel better...Oh the innocence of kids. Little did he know that

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 5:41pm
Rayne, I'm so sorry you're feeling this pain sweetie. But you knew it wouldn't be easy. You also knew that it had to be done before a d-day, so I'm happy you did it now.



Why do you say you can't go to EAS because you already talked to your AP? Of course you can - if you plan to be NC from this point on. FWIW, I don't believe in going NC WITHOUT even an explanation to the AP. To me that's plain cruel and I could never do that to my OM. But I assume when you talked to him you ended it, so he knows. He won't go day after day hoping - he knows it's over. So you can both start NOW with the new reality - it's over.



You ask some questions here:



How do you stop feeling for someone?



You don't, not right away, maybe never - but time will dull the pain of memories, and enable you to remember fondly instead. It's like a death - you have to grieve, and it's hard to grieve when no one knows why, but you have to try to find private time to do it.



How do you erase them from your mind?



You can't. But again, with time, lots of it, you will think of him less often.



How do you take away the triggers because EVERYTHING reminds me of him?



You can't take away the triggers either. But you will learn to deal with them.



I know it seems impossible, but time really does heal. You can't expect to be all better and over him anytime soon! I almost get the impression that you aren't willing to deal with the slow nature of healing, but you have no choice. If you don't deal with it now, you will deal with it later, with the added complications of a d-day. I say that because your H is suspicious, and when a spouse is suspicious, it's only a matter of time. I'm betting not a very long time either, and you would be right here where you are now with a ton of other complications, including worrying about what will become of your children's stable little lives.



Lets see how long I last without going back...



Wish me luck guys! I'm going to need it.



I have more faith in you than you have in yourself. You can NOT think that way or you have defeated yourself already! It's very clear that you need to end this Rayne, and NOW. I'm not sure we can help you here as well as EAS, but if you want to stay here I will try to pound you every day. :-) You've made a good choice sweetie. PLEASE don't go back on it. I'd really hate to be reading about your d-day.







Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 5:50pm
Aw, Rayne, you've really been making a lot of breakthroughs lately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 9:57pm

Rayne- lots of strength and hugs to you sweety.


I agree with Lexi- dont set out with a defeatist attitude. Dont say to yourself 'How long until I cave', say 'how long until I see the benefits of not living this crazy life?'


I'd say you will feel better in 3 weeks honey- just bum up, head down until then.

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 10:56pm

You will get through this rayne, you knew what you wanted/needed to do...and you did it. If you're strong enough to do that, you're strong enough to keep on this path.


If I can say one thing it would be: please, please try and hold it together around your H. When my A first happened, and I was so confused and scared...it was very hard to keep my emotions under wraps, and I remember my ex-h telling me that it was the crying, etc. that first twigged him that something serious was wrong (he also had a pretty good idea of what it was too, they seem to have

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2010
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 10:07am

Hi Rayne,