Not Sure I Can do This

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Not Sure I Can do This
2
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 6:23pm

I'm almost in a blind panic today: H put his 30 day notice in at his apartment complex so he can move back home, and I really thought that's what I wanted.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 8:14pm
Oh no! I was afraid maybe you were moving really fast (maybe too fast). If you have any doubts at all you should tell him. Can he take back the notice? Waiting till next month, or however long it takes for you to be SURE, is probably the best thing to do. You're in MC, right? Talk it over with the counselor also (I think I remember you saying the counselor thought you SHOULD wait and you didn't think so). So much better to be more sure than to feel trapped suddenly.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 8:22pm

Hmm...that's a tough one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 9:45pm

Gosh could call Janey.


AE I cant really add anything to janey and Lexi's posts- they are on the money I think. Big hug mate xxxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:11pm

I can only agree with lexi and jane,


AE, NOW is the time to be completely and totally honest with yourself...TOTALLY. Yes, you can love two men...but one is always going to take precedence in your heart over the other. You have to look deep inside and figure out which one that is....and admit it to yourself, once and for all.


There is no way you can rebuild with your H if you're still talking to AP...I know you ended it, but didn't you say that you were going to try the friends route? In any case, he CANNOT be a part of your life if you decide to stay with H...he just can't.


Just think about it, your decision will affect three people and three people only...you, your H, and your child. Your AP has already said that he's not leaving his situation...so nothing that you do will really affect him (really) just YOU. Say you do end up single, sure..he'll be there, why the heck wouldn't he? But remember AE, his holidays will be with others, his anniversaries will be with his W...always, as he's told you. I'm sorry if I've gotten your story wrong, and if I've upset you. But I know EXACTLY how it goes. I have no one to depend on, except myself. I can ask for AP's help, but that doesn't mean he'll always have the time to do it...and so far, the "husbandly" things that I've asked him to do for me? Well, they have yet to materialize. Not that my AP isn't a nice guy and doesn't want to help me, because he is..and he does. Doing these things just happen to be a ways down the totem pole...not his fault.


So, while I think I understand how you're feeling...I'm begging you to not do anything rash. Certainly, tell H your concerns about moving too fast...that is what rebuilding is all about, total truth and honesty....and keeping AP out of the equation. Maybe he's just doing what he thinks he should be doing, and he has the same reservations as you!


Big hugs to you AE. Deep breaths, and remember...tomorrow is a new day, with maybe clearer vision.


benska


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 12:08pm

Oh the dilemna of having to decide between 2 men. Another, I think maybe you did move a bit to fast and if you can I'd tell H how you feel and see if he can go back on the notice and still remain with the apartment. It won't hurt to try. If your not sure then it isn't a question. You still need time for you and it hurts to have to put you, H & AP through it.


Either way as I struggle with this every day as well you need to make a choice. Its either H, AP or just remain single. I do know if you continue with AP you wont be able to give H your 100 %.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sun, 09-05-2010 - 9:13pm

Thanks to all!


Here's the thing: H and I both agreed that it would be harder to rebuild our M being apart, and I actually had to talk HIM into moving back.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 5:07pm

I just read your post in another thread and I'm sorry it's still so hard for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 2:20pm

Aww another , (( hugs ))

Its not easy to shut down the emotional attachment you have with your AP ( exAP?).Dont rush into trying to get over him.There is no quick way.Slowly the pain of not having him will go away.What does your AP say about all this mess?

Take care of you

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 2:37pm

Thanks, chick!



Though AP understood how I was feeling, and supported me in trying to make my M work, he was also very sad about losing our friendship.

anotherseyes