A little news and my T appt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
A little news and my T appt.
8
Fri, 09-03-2010 - 11:43pm

Haven't posted in awhile, but I have a couple of things to post about about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 12:49am

I guess that is one of the main reasons I am so scared to see a T. I wouldn't want to have to lie about the state of my personal life, meaning being in an A. It's not something I feel I could trust anyone with. Besides AP and myself, there is only one person who knows. A friend of mine who has never met H, never met AP, and I completely trust. She doesn't know all the details, but she does know that I have been having an EA with AP. She also knows we crossed the physical line once. She knows nothing else, about crossing it more, about seeing him frequently, nothing.

I hate to agree with your T, but I think she might be right about your AP only looking for sex. I think if mine didn't contact me in 5+ weeks I'd be pretty upset. But I am very stubborn, I wouldn't give in and call him. It is such a sucky position to be in. I wish it weren't like that for you. I think his actions are speaking much more clearly than his words - I'm so sorry :(. I really wish it wasn't that way, but I don't think many people in an A, a steady A, not a FWB who see each other when in town type deal, would be okay with contact every 5 or so weeks.

I wish your T was more open to speak to you about your A, it's a big part of your life. Maybe it is time to find a new T. One who will help you through all that.

Good Luck and (((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 2:02am

Hi new


Id be looking through the yellowpages for a new T. Your T should not cast any judgements and definately shouldnt want to avoid that topic- its like saying- you are an alcoholic, and I'll talk to you about beer, wine and spirits- but now you have taken up glue sniffing? No way- we arent talking about that!


WTH?


The A is pivotal to understanding whats going on with you! So my advice is- get a new T and report him/her to the industry association.


Im glad your AP was happy to hear from you. I cant tell you ho many women seem to say the same thing. NC from AP, then you make contact, and they are all over you! Its so strange isnt it. Maybe one of the boys can offer some insight. I wouldnt chase him, but see what happens.


Iggyxxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 8:01am

Thanks for the response, I had made the decision shortly after that appt, that I'm not

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 10:57am

Hi New.. good to hear from you..


About your T, I've read posts where people's T accept the A as a part of who they are and work with that, not letting personal attitudes get in the way. So, a T who can work with this is helpful. They may provide positive or negative feedback, but they need to have your healing as their #1 goal, not any kind of personal agenda.


As for your AP,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 12:18pm

Just a word about your therapist... YIKES!! I can't believe that attitude! Your A is part of your life, part of you, maybe a symptom of something inside of you or a symptom of something you need that could be gotten another way. Without talking about it and exploring it, you will never know why you chose that path or how to choose something different now! That is one lame therapist. Just sayin'...

Glad you decided to get another one!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 12:23pm
P.S. - it wouldn't have mattered if you told the therapist that your AP's wife was a former AP. She would have said, "SEE?? I told you it never works. He's cheating on her!" Not a good example... LOL...

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 12:37pm

Hi new,


There are a few things that I would like to address here. Number 1 - run, don't walk, to a new T. I would also do as iggy suggested and report this person to her higher power, or at the very least, tell her that perhaps she needs T herself in order to overcome her inappropriate judging ability. It sounds like perhaps she was cheated on, thus rendering her unable to help anyone in that situation. When I saw my T, she did not make judgements...she listened and offered observations, all the while trying to lead me into making my own conclusions, that is all. Wow, I cannot believe how incensed I am with your T!


Secondly, while I appreciate the way you've tried to explain your AP...the explanation leaves me with a really bad taste in my mouth. Okay, he left his first W for his AP, who he's now married to. Then, shortly after marrying her...he starts an A with you? There is something really wrong with this picture. Who does that, and really, what does it say about his character?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2010
Sun, 09-05-2010 - 12:22am

Thanks for your input and thoughts, I am not upset by anything you said.