Giving up.
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| Mon, 09-06-2010 - 8:10pm |
An update for those following my story.
MM and W talked about moving up his moving out date... and it didn't go well. He says she asked what the rush is, is there someone else, even brought me up. I told him I need to think about how I want to handle this and that I'll get back to him, but it will likely put us into NC. I said I want a life with you but can't do this anymore. He says he NEEDS a life with me. I said I just wish you needed me more than you need to indulge her craziness. I said that it's not fair that she is controling my life.
So...in a thoughtful day of prayer and pondering I've realized that he and she have been controling my life for years. That I need to concentrate on what makes me happy... and stop worrying about how he'll react, feel, think, etc. I worry more about him than me!
So, I'm moving on. I'm going to tell him that if the cards align once he's moved out, we'll see, but not until then (and I'm not counting on it). As for NC and such (since we work together and have a lot of mutual friends), I'm going to see how I feel... but it won't be on a romantic level or even a deep friendship level (basically, civil and work only) FOR MY BEST INTEREST. I have to get over him if I have any hope of falling for someone else. I know he'll try to talk me out of it (he actually texted me as I'm typing this to tell me he's been thinking about me all day and still loves me..urgh!)... but I'm exhausted. I don't WANT the drama anymore and am actually looking forward to dating someone honestly. I haven't even cried... I just knew it was coming.
Thanks for your help and advice.

Awww K, I'm so sorry that you're hurting right now! For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing.
What you're going to have to deal with, because you work together, is something EAS calls "low contact". It's exactly like you describe - only work related interaction, civility when you have to interact, and a professional demeanor. No long looks, secret glances, whispers in the hallway, none of that. If he tries to get you alone in any way, avoid it. If you have mutual friends and there is a large get together, you can probably avoid him and keep it just civil. If it's a smaller get together, I would consider not going at all for awhile, but it's up to you and whether you could handle it, keeping it friendly enough so people don't wonder what's up while still keeping your distance.
EAS could help you with all of that. The thing with EAS though, is that it's an ending "for good" place. Even though you're not counting on his leaving his marriage and ending up with you after all, the fact that you're hoping for that would not fit in with their philosophy. If you get to an "ending for good" frame of mind, you could go over there.
In the meantime, we will try to get you through the hard part now!
Take care sweetie, and keep us updated!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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