Well I did it....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Well I did it....
4
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:01am

Well we finally spoke on phone today. I said I appreciate the invitation to lunch tomorrow (just a short one) but is it a place we can talk- as I really think you are too busy for this anymore, and I dont think I can keep doing this. There was stunned silence.


He sounded upset/defensive- everything I expected. He said 'you dont seem to understand how busy I am'. Its true- he is very busy but a lot of it is self-inflicted, he is a workaholic but I wouldnt even want to explain that he could reduce his stress if he wanted- he wont listen to anyone about that.


Anyway I said its not just the amount of time. There is quantity or 'clock time' that you dont have- and I get that. But there is also quality or 'head time' that you dont put in any more. For example you send a text saying 'have a great day', would take as much clock-time to send 'I miss you'. But the resulting feeling that get from it is totally different.


I asked what he thinks about it, but he said he cant think now, we will talk about it tomorrow over lunch.


I sent 2 texts later today saying that I will always have strong feelings for him and I hope we can work this out. But the quality of our connection is so important to me and he is too busy to put effort in anymore.


He responded late this afternoon saying 'Well quality princess, we will talk about this tomorrow and Im looking forward to seeing you. Huge Kisses'. So maybe thats his way of saying he wants to work at it.


But will it be enough? He will always be busy and that is unlikely to change. Nicer texts may make me feel better, but I dont know if he is really up for that. He may change for a few days, but then slip back into old ways?


So the ball is in his court now... I hope I handle the conversation with dignity and sensitivity- thats all I am focussing on. I'll update you tomorrow/


Iggyxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 7:27am

Iggy, sweetie, I'll be thinking of you and hoping everything goes well. Tell us what happens please!

You are so right about many things - including wondering whether it just won't go back to what it is now, if at first he increases contact, etc. I think wives with workaholic husbands go through the same thing. Will it be an endless cycle of asking for more, getting it, and it drifting back to the same thing over and over?

I hope whatever happens here that it ends up being the right thing for you sweetie...

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 10:45am
Many ((((hugs)))) Iggy, and wishing you luck with your lunch.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 5:04pm

Aw, Iggy, you've got him figured out more than he has himself figured out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 8:15pm

Heeellloooo ;-)

I haven't posted much but I must have refreshed MAS a million times looking for your update on this Iggy !! LOL

Love the 'clock' time,' head' time thing btw.

Let us know how it pans out (like IMMEDIATELY!) and I wish you loads of hugs and strength to get what you need - whether that's the resilience you need to stay or to move on :-) xx

Bird