please help! bf having visit from his ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2003
please help! bf having visit from his ex
3
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 6:07am
i need help about a relationship.my boyfriend of three years ex is coming to visit from o'seas(he hasnt seen her for 10yrs) and he said she can stay with him.i didnt think it was right and asked him could she not stay with him and he agreed that it wasnt fair on me initially.now he has changed his mind and said she could stay with him and we fought about it and he said it shouldnt matter because we are not together anyway! which is news to me!. he has his place and i have mine although he practically lives with me he will be staying at his place while she is here,she is also coming with another female friend of hers.i have a daughter who is 6 from a previous relationship.he is 32 and i am 28.if he goes through with this i dont think i will be able to forgive him.she hasnt asked can she stay there yet but if she does he is going to say yes as he said he 'needs to give her that respect':( i feel like my feeling dont matter and im sure he wouldnt like it if i had 2 men friends(one being an ex who i lived with for 2 yrs) coming to stay for a couple of weeks with me he would flip out.how should i handle this situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 9:46am
Is the EX girlfriend...married? Does she have a current b/f? Or is this visit supposed to "awaken" something she had with your boyfriend?

Frankly...I think you're acting like a big baby about this. You're NOT married to the guy and he hasn't given you any reason to think that his invitation for his EX to 'crash at his place' is going to lead to anything else. Now if he has said that he still has deep emotional feelings for her....that's a reason to worry, BUT HE HASN'T!

And if you're looking for revenge by playing the "IF YOU INVITE THE EX TO SLEEP AT YOUR PLACE...THEN I'LL INVITE MY EX TO SLEEP OVER AT MY PLACE" game....end your relationship NOW!

It's clear that your over-possessive attitude is going to eventually destroy it anyway!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 10:29am
I completely disagree, I think that it's wrong for him to expect that this will fly with you. I think that if the situations were reversed, he would not enjoy knowing that your ex is coming to stay with you. But I don't understand what he means by the fact that *you two* aren't together. Does he view your relationship as very casual, even after three years? I think that you need to talk about this with him until you both reach an understanding.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 10:43am
I am more concerned about his "We are not together anyways" comment than the ex. He is obviously not committed to you, and you need to decide if that is something you can handle. He sounds like a total jerk to me, and based on *his* response to you, you might be better off alone than with him. I am not going to say that a person having an ex of 10 years ago coming to stay with them is always a bad situation or unreasonable, but it does sound like that in your situation. Since you have been with him for 3 years, and he is still claiming that the two of you aren't together, you should just let him do whatever he wants and move on.