When is a relationship worth saving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
When is a relationship worth saving?
3
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 1:23pm
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. The closeness that we have is something we have never experienced before, even between him and his ex-wife and me and my ex-fiance. We've broken up once before due to stress. It seemed like we were trying to off-load things in our life that were tangilbe rather than dealing with stress head on... that was back in June. Now he's been extremly busy with work and I feel I haven't been receiving the attention I deserve. Last night we had a blow out about and it got to the point of asking ourselves, "Are we the right ones for each other?" and "Could we spend the rest of our lives together?" He said he didn't know and my argument was "shouldn't you know if I'm the one for you, and if you don't then maybe I'm not." He asked me the same question and I said that he could very well be. Our conversation ended with us ending the relationship.

Well now this morning, I'm regretting even pushing the conversation. I understand he's stressed with work and that I haven't been giving him the space he needs. I think I've been probing these arguments just so I can receive some kind of attention. I feel we broke up again because he has too much on his plate again? We still recognize that we still love each other very much. I feel if we follow through, I haven't tried with all my heart to give him what he wants. How do we know whether our relationship is worth saving?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 2:24pm
Relationships have to be ableto withstand stress or what is the point - we all havce a lot on our plates - I thik you are holding your relaitonship to impossible expectations of how close you are when in reality you are not even ableto have a simple conversation about status without breaking up - if you are not on the same page it might be time to take a break - but you have to decide that you're not going to compare your relationship to your past relationships -and consider, if he was willing to marry his ex and you were willing to get engaged, what does that say about the choices the two of you make in partners? I made some not great choices - have been engaged twice - but I accept that and am not looking for someone better or who I am closer to but rather someone better for me.
Avatar for cl_tcranky1
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 5:56pm

Ugh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 6:43pm
Thanks for your advice.

We just talked a bit and we both agreed that there are underlying issues that we've been trying to sweep under the carpet and finally we've accepted. We are on different emotional levels. What I want and need in a relationship and in a man, he cannot give. What he's capable of giving is not enough for me and I can't change him.

btw - I'm 27 and he's 30