He came back...Now what?
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He came back...Now what?
| Sat, 12-06-2003 - 2:28pm |
I have posted this on another board...but I think I need all the advice possible.
After 2 months of silence on my exe's part, my ex and I met yesterday to give back one anothers things. We talked for almost 4 hours...neither of us wanted to leave...
I asked him for the answers he had denied me for 2 months...and he gave them to me. He felt like he was losing himself in the relationship...and I guess that I did too. He admitted that most of what he went through was all in his head...his passive/aggressive behaviour...his fear that our relationship would turn out like his parents, which is extremely bad...his problems with communication...his feeling that I was manipulative because I made him feel bad when he couldn't be there with me...but after discussion he admitted that he was easily manipulated....that I am not manipulative but he is so easily manipulated that the slightest behaviour on my part led him to feel torn...he wanted to make me happy...and when he couldn't always do so it made him feel bad.
He told me that he thinks of me every day and he is sorry for how he treated me...but that he was scared and running away was easiest for him...and even though he knew he hurt me, by the time he was ready to deal with it, it was too late.
He said he was scared to talk to me....but he knew it was time. He was expecting me to slap him and take my things and storm away....and I told him he should know me better than that.
He seemed to realize that he was being pulled in one direction by his parents..and in another by his desire to be with me...and that he chose them...and in doing so he betrayed every promise he had ever made to me. He realized this.
He said he still wanted to be firends (even though he had once promised himself he would never stay friends with an ex)....but he sat so close to me and he kept letting his leg brush mine...kept moving his hands close to mine and touching me....he kept staring at me so intensely...and smiling....neither of us have done much smiling this past 2 months....but when we are together everything is better.
I told him not to ask to be my friend if he didn't mean it....and he said he did. He didn't say he still loved me...though he admited that you cannot stop caring about someone so quickly....and I know he was thinking about us getting back together. He is getting a new job, and planning to move out and to go back to school...
And I agreed to be his friend. I know that we were both thinking that it would likely become more than that again...but I know he is damaged. He said that he has more thinking to do..and that his reasons for leaving me don't make sense anymore.
He is so damaged...he has little self esteem and he is emotionally damaged by his parents. I want to be there for him...but I know it will be a long time before I will agree to date him again...even if he wants to start things up again more quickly. There are things he must work through before he will be emotionally able to deal with a serious relationship...and now I know it.
He promised he'd call or email and we'd get together....that we'd talk. And I told im that I wasn't sure I believed him....after all, he disapeared and strung me along and hardly spoke to me for 2 months. I told him that I didn't believe...and he knows that this is up to him. I don't think he will let me down again...he so obviously still cares tremendously....even though he is not ready to deal with it properly.
I am afraid that he will change his mind...that he will decide that being friends is too hard and that he will let me down again...after I made an effort to support him, even after all the hurt he caused me. I cannot do it again...cannot wait for him to come through when he will not...I wish I knew one way or the other...he seemed sincere, but I am afraid that he will go home and think about it and decide its too hard.
I believe in second chances....but deffinitely not third ones.
So, this is it. He did email me last night to tell me how his job interview went....and though I just want to talk to him, I am going to let him ask me to get together. I have to know he's sincere...
He kept saying how wonderful and unforgettable I am...but that didn't stop him from running away in the first place. His parents are horribe and he has so many issues....
Maybe I am a fool....but I still love him....and I know he loves me....and he may hurt me...but I feel I owe our love another try. And maybe...if I really mean as much to him as he says I do, then this time he will not fail me. But for now, we are "friends".
Any thoughts or advice would be so helpful. I am happy...and afraid at the same time...
Thanks :)
After 2 months of silence on my exe's part, my ex and I met yesterday to give back one anothers things. We talked for almost 4 hours...neither of us wanted to leave...
I asked him for the answers he had denied me for 2 months...and he gave them to me. He felt like he was losing himself in the relationship...and I guess that I did too. He admitted that most of what he went through was all in his head...his passive/aggressive behaviour...his fear that our relationship would turn out like his parents, which is extremely bad...his problems with communication...his feeling that I was manipulative because I made him feel bad when he couldn't be there with me...but after discussion he admitted that he was easily manipulated....that I am not manipulative but he is so easily manipulated that the slightest behaviour on my part led him to feel torn...he wanted to make me happy...and when he couldn't always do so it made him feel bad.
He told me that he thinks of me every day and he is sorry for how he treated me...but that he was scared and running away was easiest for him...and even though he knew he hurt me, by the time he was ready to deal with it, it was too late.
He said he was scared to talk to me....but he knew it was time. He was expecting me to slap him and take my things and storm away....and I told him he should know me better than that.
He seemed to realize that he was being pulled in one direction by his parents..and in another by his desire to be with me...and that he chose them...and in doing so he betrayed every promise he had ever made to me. He realized this.
He said he still wanted to be firends (even though he had once promised himself he would never stay friends with an ex)....but he sat so close to me and he kept letting his leg brush mine...kept moving his hands close to mine and touching me....he kept staring at me so intensely...and smiling....neither of us have done much smiling this past 2 months....but when we are together everything is better.
I told him not to ask to be my friend if he didn't mean it....and he said he did. He didn't say he still loved me...though he admited that you cannot stop caring about someone so quickly....and I know he was thinking about us getting back together. He is getting a new job, and planning to move out and to go back to school...
And I agreed to be his friend. I know that we were both thinking that it would likely become more than that again...but I know he is damaged. He said that he has more thinking to do..and that his reasons for leaving me don't make sense anymore.
He is so damaged...he has little self esteem and he is emotionally damaged by his parents. I want to be there for him...but I know it will be a long time before I will agree to date him again...even if he wants to start things up again more quickly. There are things he must work through before he will be emotionally able to deal with a serious relationship...and now I know it.
He promised he'd call or email and we'd get together....that we'd talk. And I told im that I wasn't sure I believed him....after all, he disapeared and strung me along and hardly spoke to me for 2 months. I told him that I didn't believe...and he knows that this is up to him. I don't think he will let me down again...he so obviously still cares tremendously....even though he is not ready to deal with it properly.
I am afraid that he will change his mind...that he will decide that being friends is too hard and that he will let me down again...after I made an effort to support him, even after all the hurt he caused me. I cannot do it again...cannot wait for him to come through when he will not...I wish I knew one way or the other...he seemed sincere, but I am afraid that he will go home and think about it and decide its too hard.
I believe in second chances....but deffinitely not third ones.
So, this is it. He did email me last night to tell me how his job interview went....and though I just want to talk to him, I am going to let him ask me to get together. I have to know he's sincere...
He kept saying how wonderful and unforgettable I am...but that didn't stop him from running away in the first place. His parents are horribe and he has so many issues....
Maybe I am a fool....but I still love him....and I know he loves me....and he may hurt me...but I feel I owe our love another try. And maybe...if I really mean as much to him as he says I do, then this time he will not fail me. But for now, we are "friends".
Any thoughts or advice would be so helpful. I am happy...and afraid at the same time...
Thanks :)

Hi
Okay I was about to answer one way and then I re-read what you wrote.