I cheated on my boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
I cheated on my boyfriend
2
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 12:25am
I'm 21 and away at college, I've been going out with "Joe" for 3.5 years, since Grade 12. We're 600 miles apart and rarely see each other and this has been a problem that we've addressed a number of times. He's now done school and will be moving in with me in April so we can be together.

Last week my roommates had a party here and although I wasn't really planning on attending the party I couldn't sleep through it so I joined them downstairs. I didn't get terribly drunk, so that's not any reason I did it. But anyways, one of the guys, "Bob" started coming on to me bigtime and I brushed him off the first time but after a while I got into it and I neglected to mention that I have a boyfriend. We had sex that night and then the next night too, last night I had him over for dinner. I don't understand how I let it go that far on the first night or why I'm acting like I want to have a relationship with him.

I want to break everything off with Bob and pretend it never happened but Bob's a teammate of one of my roommates, I can't just make him disappear and I'm afraid everyone, particularily Joe, will find out that I cheated on Joe. Joe's planning on living here for a month at the end of my lease, before we get a place of our own, while he looks for a job in this city.

What do i do? How can i fix this? I never want Joe to know about this. I feel terrible for what I did, but I don't think that he would ever forgive me, I can say with certainty that it will never happen again, I hate myself for doing this, I don't want Joe, my friends and my family to hate me for this too.

Also, my roommates are all guys, what are the chances that they won't tell my boyfriend about what I did when he's living here in April? They haven't met him yet, and they aren't really my friends either, I just rented a room and they happened to rent other rooms in the house. They definately know that I slept with Bob, I don't know if they know that I'm going out with Joe, he calls all the time now, but we were broken up during October and November (because of a fight about the long distance thing).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 8:32am

Well, it doesn't sound like you are all that ready for the commitment this guy is going to be giving to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 10:19am
I don't think he is going to find out. These guys don't even know your business, and you aren't close to them, so why would they run and tell someone who was staying with you who you had been sleeping with? If they were females, I might be more worried, but I seriously doubt they are going to say anything. Furthermore, if you are sure that you would never do something like this again, there is no need in telling him. It will only hurt him, and it would be incredibly selfish. You need to figure out why you cheated, and if being in a committed relationship is what you really want right now. The cheating didn't just happen- which you have admitted- so that is what you need to be addressing. Why were you and Joe broken up? The two of you obviously had problems before this, and I don't think it's a good idea to progress the relationship before working those out. Are you sure that this is really what you want? So no, don't tell him. He doesn't need to burden your guilt, and get his heart broken.