husband told friend about fight
Find a Conversation
husband told friend about fight
| Mon, 12-08-2003 - 11:16am |
i thought that my fight with my husband was over until i heard him discussing it with one of his friends on the phone. i was in the next room and i heard him mention my name. so i began to listen. that's when i heard him saying that he didn't think that what i say and believe are the same things and discussing the fight like we were still fighting. in my family we were never supposed to talk about personal things with other people outside the family. so i was extremely embarrassed when i heard him doing this and extremely mad that he wouldn't come to me and tell me how he really feels. was this considered badmouthing and was i wrong to get mad at him?

Pages
After you have calmed down, I would definitely discuss this matter with him and just explain that you want to keep whatever issues that you two have between you two. Explain to him that you are upset because you had to hear him telling someone else about his true feelings when he should have expressed them to you. There is no need to get other people involved in your personal affairs.
I don't think you were wrong to get mad at him - if that's how you felt, then that's how you felt. How you deal with your anger is what's important. If you yelled, then that probably wasn't very effective and will probably just prolong the fight rather than coming closer to a solution. If you talked to him and told him how you feel about him talking to other people about your fights - embarassment, invasion of privacy, and all that - and asked him not to discuss things like that with his friends, then you probably came closer to solving the issue.
and what in the world was he doing making that kind of call when you were in the house??
duh!
I completely disagree with you huggz.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
I think that if it was a family member he would be wrong for talking about it because family members remember even after the fight has been resolved.
However, since it was a friend I think there is nothing wrong of him getting a different perspective. I think that ultimately will help you because the friend isn't emotional and may get logic into his head.
did you and he have some kind of agreement what you will say about the marriage and to whom? if not, I don't know why you are getting upset. just like in your family you were taught one thing - I am assuming that in his family he was taught something else. doesn't make either of you right or wrong - just different.
i actually think that what he did was correct -unless he really WAS badmouthing you. which is not what this sounds like. he was upset, and was looking for support and a sounding board - someone who was not directly involved in the fight. that is a healthy attitude.
jmho
I totally disagee.....friends have a tendency to gossip, where as your therapist won't.
Carrie
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
Pages