To cheat or not to cheat?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
To cheat or not to cheat?
8
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 4:38pm
I've been in a relationship with a man going on 5 years. In the past 5 years he has cheated on me repeatedly, the worst was with his ex-wife. His ex continues to think they will get back together eventually, and I can see why. My BF keeps her on a string as a backup. Everytime he's been with her, it's been when we've had a fight. She does not know this, she thinks it's because he still loves her. I think my BF has an addiction to sex. Besides his infidelity, which is a biggie, for the most part he is a good man. He lacks in the emotional department, as most men do. Anyway, what I'm confused with is this. I've been getting some attention from another man. I know what's on his mind, and I kinda like the idea. My BF says he has not cheated on me for over a year. But I don't trust him at all. So should I give him a dose of his own, or not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 4:48pm

Cheating is never right, it isn't right for your husband and it isn't right for you.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 4:55pm
Don't compromise your values. If you believe that cheating is wrong and have gotten upset at your BF for cheating on you, then it would be very hypocritical for you to turn around and cheat on him. If you can't trust this man you are with, then why are you with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 5:52pm
No, just break up with him. You sound like a child. Grown-up relationships aren't about tit-for-tat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 6:24pm
'So should I give him a dose of his own, or not'

Of course not. Why not just leave this man who cheats on you and re-evaluate your own values.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 6:42pm
he cheated, you think it's wrong, so why turn around and do the wrong thing all over again? two wrongs don't make a right in this case. revenge only makes things worse. not only you can't trust him, then you can't even trust yourself. i would just break up with him. but i'd rather break up knowing i've been honest all along, than to admit guiltily i cheated only get to get REVENGE. at least i would have a justificable right for breaking up. yes it would just make you hypocritical to cheat on him since thats what you are against.

i hope thinks do work out. never give up on a good thing. but if its no longer good, you should move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 7:06pm
Leave him if you are done with him. Don't do what he did. Let his karma get him, but don't create any of your own karma.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 1:33pm
Go get some counseling because you are emotionally sick right now.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 2:56pm

Two wrongs does not make a right. It is never wise to sink down to the level of someone who is behaving badly. This will only boomerang upon you, and hurt you as well. The real question here is why are you with this man? You say he cheats continually, and is not developed in the emotional department. What keeps you there in the relationship? You should really take time to understand this. Some women enjoy relationships which are abusive and in which they can complain about the guy. Some feel they don't know how to find something better. Others do not know how to get out. Be truthful with yourself. Try to understand what you are doing in a situation like this which does not sound healthy for you. Rather than sink to his level, why not raise yourself up and make choices that are healthy for you? Why not treat yourself with respect, and let him know what you will and will not accept in a relationship. Then, if he cannot provide it, why not find someone else who can?


The more you respect yourself, the more others will respect you. You deserve a relationship that brings out the best, not the worst, that you are.


All good wishes.