contact her on her birthday?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
contact her on her birthday?
10
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 9:20am
My GF of the past year says she loves me but needs a break. Two weeks ago she broke up with me -- saying she needs time and space to work out some issues -- our age difference (i'm older) and my previous marraige, etc. we were incredily close for the past year with barely a day apart here and there. i have contacted her a couple of times over the past two weeks -- initially sent her some flowers, then lyrics to our favorite song, and made perhaps two phone calls to her. The latest, yesterday, was met pretty coldly and she said that time and space didn't mean i should contact her every few days. she said we would go out to dinner next week. The question i have is in regards to her birthday, which is today. should i send a card? call her? send her a brief email? do nothing? whatever i do would just be an acknowledgement -- upbeat and have a great day kind of thing. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 10:12am

I would send her an email.I know that she is saying that space doesnt mean contacting her everyday, but a birthday is different, especially when you guys were dating.I think that if you didnt contact her in some way, it might be taken as rude or inconsiderate.


Shoot her a short email, saying NOTHING BUT HAPPY BIRTHDAY.Dont tell her to call you, or that you miss her- nothing like that.JUst happy birthday.


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 12:19pm
I agree, or you might even send her a real card.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 12:39pm
well, that would have been my very first choice -- but she has indicated to me that it is very hard for her when she receives mail from me at this point. On the other hand, I don't want her to think I just don't care, either, or that I am lame and uncaring in just sending her an email. I am really at a loss on how to handle this one!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 12:41pm

Well, it might be hard for her to talk to you on the phone, or inperson still.With an email, at least it shoes that she was in your thoughts, but yet she can open the email when she feels ready, notbeacuse you are on the other line of a telephone.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 12:58pm
well, cl, thanks. I sent it. simple, to the point -- Wishing you a GREAT & Happy Birthday!! i put the card away for another time. I signed the email with my name only and with a :-). Do you think it's too much to expect something back -- a thanks or something? it would be nice but i don't want to expect it and not get it. i guess anyting is possible at this point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 3:19pm
I know this is much easier said than done- try to relax! You shouldn't be expecting anything for sending her an e-mail. You did it because you wanted to acknowledge her birthday, not so she would give you a reaction right? If she needs her space, give it to her. Don't contact her, don't send her emails, don't visit her unexpectedly, etc. Let her initiate everything and have time to truly figure out what she wants. If you don't do that, you will only end up pushing her away even more, and it will give her excuses to end things for good. I know this is really hard, but you don't have any other choice. If you feel like she is never going to make up her mind in the future, it is your right to end things, but I would just sit tight right now if I were you. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 4:06pm
thank you -- yes it is hard, so incredibly hard i can't believe it. my fault i guess for letting myself get sooooo wrapped up with someone -- but ...

she did respond with a polite thanks, wishes she wasn't working, etc ... i let it go with no response -- that was tough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 5:08pm

Unfortunaltely, yes, I do think its too much to ask for, And i wouldnt expect it either. She wants her space, and Thats what u need to give her. She cant decide on things if she has u in her face al of the time, even just to say hi. She made it very cl;ear to you that she didnt want that, respect it.


I wouldnt advise you to wait either.Dont spend your life waiting to hear an answer from her as to what she wants.Get out there and start meeting other people.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 5:47pm

Glad that she responded to you, but you need to take this time to fix yourself up, not sit around waiting for an email or a phone call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 6:31am


I can completely relate to what you are going thru. I went through the EXACT same thing about a year ago. My boyfriend suddenly decided that he wanted an indefinite amount of time and space to think about things and decide what he wanted and he wanted NO contact. It was horrible. I was numb for weeks...couldn't sleep, eat, nothing! I was a mess.... I had to move on..... I had to get a grip of myself and thats what I did. I moved out, got new friends, a new place to live, a new job, total change of scene...and guess what happened... he came back! Begged me to come back to him and make another go of it....at that point I didn't want to go back I was having so much fun. My point is, what will be will be... you cannot influence her decision at this stage of the game, but what you can do is take care of yourself and your own peace of mine. Life happens while you are making other plans....! Now... Ive met a new guy, absolutely brilliant person and I am so much happier. You have to learn to "think outside the box".....give it a go and see what happens!

Good luck!