Gifts for his family.......$$ issues!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Gifts for his family.......$$ issues!!!
4
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:45am
Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to drop a note here to see how everyone handles Christmas spending.......my BF and I have been living together for almost a year now. Things have been pretty tight financially speaking.....we are unfortunately in a position where after all the bills are paid, we are pretty broke.

Sooo....my BF is from another part of the country and has many aunts and uncles, etc. that he does not see on a regular basis. However, they tend to buy for one another at Christmas time (i.e. he has about 15-20 people to buy for - as he also has a teenage son from a previous marriage). In my case, I come from a divorced family with no extended family (well some - but none that we really see, or buy for at Christmas).

Soo...you can probably see where this is going. We both work full time and I am getting resentful that we are using any of our (very little) extra $$ to buy presents for all his extended family. We've fought a couple of times over it and I feel like a total witch for bringing it up.....but last night I wanted to spend $18 on myself and he nearly flipped....saying "we don't have the $$". In the meantime, we spent $100-$200 on the week-end for presents for his family. Arrgghhh!!! I'm not one of those people who really like Christmas!! Too much!!

How do you all split up your "Christmas spending"??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:50am
I really don't care for this time of the year because of all the stress and financial burden. Anyway, this is what we do for our families...... for family we rarely see we have sent picture christmas cards w/ a tin full of homemade baked goods. When doing this we have to keep in mind the shipping cost. Our immediate family we buy gifts for, but because there are so many we have put a limit on the dollar amount spent for each individual. We have even had someone in our family organize a Secret Santa type x-mas. All immediate family names go into a bowl and each person has one they have to buy for. There are so many creative ideas. I am fortunate because when it comes to this stuff my BF lets me make the decision. Hopefully, yours will be open for discussion.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 1:36pm
That is a tough one, esspecially when there isn't enough money to go around and people have vastly different gift giving traditions. I think that this year, since the presents are probably mostly bought, it's a moot point, but it can be a learning experience and you guys can develop a plan for next year. A good plan would be for him to save up throughout the year for gifts or possibly to work some overtime if that's an option for him.

I totally understand the "need" to buy for a lot of people - I come from a big family too. When things have been tight financially, I cut way back - still get gifts for people, but small things in the $5-10 range like Christmas ornaments or something OR I call my mom and tell her I am broke and can she put my name on the presents she is giving. I did this a lot in college.

Maybe you guys can come up with some traditions you do together for Christmas to make it special for you too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:27pm

well I don't celebrate christmas cause I'm jewish lol... but of course the principle is the same for any holidays. there are two issues here ----

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:45pm
My husbands family is larger than mine as well. My mom died several years ago, and the only family I have contact with are my nearly grown brother and sister, and my dad and his mom. That's it. He, on the other hand, has a brother who is married, a sister who is married and has two children, aunts, uncles, cousins with children, both his parents, etc. etc.... We have three small children, and I stay home with them, but I take care of two children to make extra money to help pay the bills. It was VERY stressful for the first couple years of our marriage, when we were broke ALL the time (lol like we aren't now!) when Christmas would come and all of our extra money was GONE buying gifts for this huge brood, especially after we had three of our own to worry about getting presents for! We finally had a HUGE argument about it, and once we both calmed down came to an agreement that has worked for the last several years. He makes his Christmas list, as do I, in JANUARY(!!) each year, as to what we need to buy for who. Each month, he takes a small amount of money (some of it he earns doing small extra jobs (he's a graphic artist and works out of his office at home doing art/ads for area businesses for extra money) and buys his enormous family their Christmas presents throughout the year. We bought a large trunk specifically for the presents so we can keep track of who's bought for. I found that a LOT of the stress came down not to him giving his loved ones gifts, which of course I support, but instead from having to put out all of the cash for them in such large spurts right at a time of year when expenses were high anyway! By taking care of as much as possible throughout the year, there are typically only a few people left on the list by the time the Christmas season rolls around, and it's not so stressful to get the shopping done and still pay the bills and not feel like the grinch. It makes us happy to be able to give gifts to his family, and it's actually encouraged me to get more involved in selecting and buying their gifts since they're all on a list for me, which made me feel more connected to his family. Besides, it's cheaper to shop when it's not the Christmas buying season! Plus, this way, we don't have to break the piggy bank when December pops up on the calendar, which means we now only have to argue about where to put the *&#(!?%^ Christmas tree each year. I know it won't help for this year, but maybe if you two make an agreement to do it next year, you won't feel so stressed right now... :) Angela