a good way to ask?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
a good way to ask?
1
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 12:41pm
Hi - I have been dating a great guy for 6 months now - I would like to know if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get him to open up to me without him feeling like I am pressuring him. He doesn't talk about his feelings and I would like to find out if he is happy with the relationship. I am not looking for him to declare his love for me or anything like that - it's to soon for that to be happening for both of us - but I need to know that he is content and that he at least cares about me and our relationship. I have given him greeting cards for different occassions and I always write a little something about how I feel - but I never get any kind of response from him - he just gives me a kiss and says thanks. I was hoping he might say that he feels the same way or something along those lines but he doesn't. He does show that he cares in other ways, he buys me flowers sometimes, makes sure he has the kind of things I like to eat at his house, calls me every day, etc.... but occassionally it's nice to hear the words. So if anyone has a suggestion on how to get him to say how he feels about me without scaring him away I would love to hear them.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:16pm
Six months is not too early to use the L-word. However, you may have to accept that he is just one of those guys who clams up. Are you willing to be involved with someone to whom you cannt speak about how he feels for fear of 'pressuring' him?

You may want to let him know that it is important for you to hear that he cares, at least once in a while. he does not have to get as sappy as your average Hallmark card, but if you feel deprived and frustrated you should let him know nicely. I read in advice columns that you could 'reward' your guy by saying that nice caring words really put you 'in the mood'. I am not sure I would do that.

If you are afraid to communicate your needs to our guy for fear of pressuring him, then maybe there is some bigger problem. But, if you have never tried to talk to him about it, it is time to start. How about "I am quite happy to be with you... do you feel the same way?"

Also, if he is dating you exclusively, gets in touch on a daily basis, and does nice things to you, sounds like he is quite happy with the relationship!