Loves me but IN love w/me? Not sure:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Loves me but IN love w/me? Not sure:(
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 7:16pm
I have been with my boyfriend (common-law for over a year now) for 2 1/2 years and we have a 4 month-old daughter. Basically, I feel that he loves me but is no longer "in love with me". He CAN be "loving" and cares a lot and we both listen to each other's concerns for the most part but he's lost all ability to express his love and admiration for me -assuming he still is in love with me at all anymore. Compliments are almost non-existant even when I try to dress up or look nice. He'll say "that shirt looks nice on you" instead of "You look nice". I try to compliment him when I can but don't as often anymore because I've become resentful for not recieving any myself! I get many friends, family, coworkers and even strangers tell me how good I look or that I look nice but hardly hear it from him. Affection is rare.. it's down to kisses on the cheek at bedtime and when he leaves for work. Our sex life started to slow down after we moved in together and after I got pregnant it's been next to nothing. I know it's not because of my appearance since I am still attractive (slimmer than before I was pregnant!) and still wear nice and sexyish clothes etc. His work is physically demanding as it is manual labor so he's always sore and tired and when he gets home from work all he wants to do is watch tv or play his video games. He doesn't show any signs of discontent and still jokes with me, we still go out when we can but to me we are more like friends and rommates with a baby than boyfriend/girlfriend (or husband/wife). I've tried to talk to him about this a few times since we've moved in together and he has given me "we've just become TOO comfortable I guess" to "I'm just not good at showing how I feel". He does say say he loves me once in a while but not a lot. On the other hand, whenever he drinks (which isn't a lot) he seems to have no problem talking about how he feels and being affectionate then. He used to call me when he was out with his friends drinking and tell me that his friends think I'm great and that he's lucky and he'd say he loves me and get all emotional and hints that he's thinking about me sexually (but of course-he's drinking afterall). This tells me that he CAN be expressive and affectionate but just is maybe afraid to be unless he's drinking. I often cry and get moody when I think that he may no longer be IN love with me. I am still in love with him and do not want to lose a potentially loving relationship but I want more affection and passion. I don't know if I should see a counsellor first then together or just ask him to go together right off, or try talking to him again without any help.. not sure what to do!??