pregnant and lonely
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pregnant and lonely
| Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:55pm |
i'm not exactly sure where to begin. my guy and i have been together for 19 months now. he's really sweet, fun, and etc. etc, you know, a really good guy. well, i'm now 5 months pregnant. when we first found out, we were both pretty shook. it was totally bad timing for both of us, but nevertheless, to me a baby is a blessing. we decided that we'd do this together, as a team. the dynamic duo is now the dynamic uno. he's just completely changed. he's become very insensitive, very inconsiderate, and unattentive. he's said some of the meanest things to me. of course he apologized and promised to do better but he doesn't even seem to be making an effort. we're still fighting. and when we do, he never wants to resolve the problem, he just wants to walk away. which is fine, fresh air is nice, but avoiding a problem doesn't solve it. i used to feel so happy with him, loved, and so comfortable, all that. but now i feel unappreciated, unwanted, and unloved by him. i asked him a few weeks ago did he still want to be in this relationship. he said "i don't know." what?! maybe i'm wrong but "i don't know" to me means no, because it definitely ain't a yes. he later came back and said that he does want to be in the relationship and that he's just feeling a little stressed from an increased workload and that now that it's over, he'll do better. well, thanksgiving he spent with his family and i with mine. christmas will be the same. that was cool because we were going to spend his birthday (which is the 13th) together. now he's decided he's going home early, just completely tossing the fun and romantic birthday i'd planned for him to the garbage. no explanation. not even as if we even had plans. i haven't seen him in two weeks. haven't talked to him other than email and instant messenger in over a week. and he doesn't seem to care. maybe i shouldn't either. my main concern is and will always be my baby, but i want to know what to do about our relationship. i really, truly love this man. i don't want anyone but the father of my child. but i don't know whether i should just let it go? or whether i should ride it out and be patient? tell me something ya'll!!!! please!!!!
sherrie

He may not be the one getting ready to give birth soon, but he is still apart of everything that is going on, which means, he's probably stressing too. He not only is worrying now about how is going to fend for himself, he now has to figure out how to provide for another life too. Im not excusing the way hes handling it at all, but just bringing to light what may be happening.
Above all else, you guys need to sit down and sort through your feelings. There is an innocent child that will be brought into this world here shortley, and you guys owe to that child to have your lines of communication open and know where the other stands.
By al means, know that if this is how he is going to continue to behave, that you dont deserve that either.Child or not. No child needs or wants to grow up listeneening to the bickering, or learning that treating another woman with disrespect is acceptable.Youa re now going to be someones role model.
Good luck.You have a lot of people here supporting you.
Well, the baby is not going away and since hes obviously the father I say just leave him alone and give it time. I mean, update him as to what is going on with you and the pregnancy and not totally end the relationship, but prepare yourself for a possible future of being a single mom. Make sure you have all his information for that time after the baby is born for child support issues and who knows, hopefully he will be there for you when the baby is born and seeing his child for the first time could make him come around. Maybe at that time he will realize his responsibilities as a father and he will want to be around more often. Sometimes babies have that affect on guys, makes them grow up and want to be a dad, but of course this is after the baby comes and he sees it. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out in the end.
I too, went through it, very similar to what you are facing. Trust me, after you have your baby, you're going to be more confident in yourself. The hormones are raging and you're feeling all out of sorts.
Your guy is going through the motions as well. He doesn't know what to make of all this at a time in his life that is already difficult. A new baby is a HUGE responsibility and it is weighing on his shoulders, as well as yours. Just give him some time to gather his thoughts and if that means spending some time away from each other, allow him that, and allow that for yourself. After the baby comes, you will see for yourself that things will change.
Sorry you have to go through this alone. And alone is what you are. He's stressed, not ready for the responsiblity of parenthood and instead of dealing with it, figuring out a way to deal with it, he's RUNNING. You spent Thanksgiving apart, no explaination of not wanting to spend his birthday with you and you already know that you won't be together at Christmas AND YOU HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN TWO WEEKS.
I, personally think you have been patient long enough. I think the next time you talk to him, you need to tell him that you need to see him to decide some things. Confide in your family as to what is going on, heck, confide in his family too. He's not ready, but he doesn't want to tell you, so instead he ignores you, doesn't talk to you and scared or not, he has to deal with this. There is a very real possiblity that you will be alone throughout the entire pregnancy and have to raise this child alone.
If he's unwilling to discuss the future, etc. you may have to get an attorney to get child support from him.
I so feel for you. Unexpected pregnancy or not, running away is not the answer. My best to you.
Edited 12/11/2003 12:39:46 PM ET by itwinflame
Carrie
This guy is certainly behaving in a very cold, immature and inconsiderate way. When a woman is pregnant she needs even more attention and care. He is running scared and running away. It sounds to me as though the prospect of becoming a father is overwhelming for him and he can't or doesn't want to handle it. This happens to some men. Having a child is an even bigger responsibility and committment than marriage in a way, and he's not able to face it - or to face you because there you are, pregnant with his child. It's very sad and unfortunate that he's acting htis way - but now you see more about who he truly is. You need to consider carefully whether you want a man like this as your husband. Will he give you the love, care and consideration you deserve, especially at important times, or will he run away? He is the father of your child, and in that respect, has legal responsibilities to the child and to you - and also in that respect you'll always have a connection with him. But you can't make him grow up and be a person he isn't. Right now you need to take care of yourself, and to surround yourself with the most supportive, positive and uplifting people that you can. You don't need someone to drag you down and reject you. I wouldn't wait around for him to step up to the plate emotionally and be more than he is. I would find out, however, what his legal responsibilities are, so that you can do what is necessary to at least get financial child support.
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