Getting over the past
Find a Conversation
Getting over the past
| Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:31am |
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 years now. We started very young, I'm going on 26 and he's 24 and we're planning on a 2005 wedding. If any of you remember, I'm the one who was asking how to get over our breakup that happened about 3 years ago. We were fighting a lot and barely having sex and he decided that he wanted to "take a break." I was devastated, but I sort of understood because he had never had another relationship before and I was the only one he's ever slept with. He ended up having sex with 3 women (yes, the wierdo told me) and he began going out a lot. I saw a huge change in him, his confidence was up, he realized how cute he was and he seemed so much more mature. I made the mistake of letting him see me after a while and we were still having sex and I began seeing other people as well. After about 3 months, he wanted me back and after a while and a few counseling sessions, I took him back.
Well, the point is; that was THREE years ago. Why do I sometimes think about it and picture him with them and I begin to cry. I still bring it up sometimes and we fight about it, but then he says he's sorry and it shouldn't matter because we're getting married and he loves me and he came back to me. Why am I feeling like this? Is this normal? Sometimes I feel so dumb for taking him back, but I can't imagine life without him. Am I looking for reasons to hate him? PLEASE HELP!!!
Well, the point is; that was THREE years ago. Why do I sometimes think about it and picture him with them and I begin to cry. I still bring it up sometimes and we fight about it, but then he says he's sorry and it shouldn't matter because we're getting married and he loves me and he came back to me. Why am I feeling like this? Is this normal? Sometimes I feel so dumb for taking him back, but I can't imagine life without him. Am I looking for reasons to hate him? PLEASE HELP!!!

and when the subject of breaking up comes up again, it reinforces it.
is he giving you any reason to doubt him? bad arguments, any remarks said? anything he does or says to make you doubt that he's in this 100%?
As you both became involved with each other at such a young age, it is understandable that you would both need and want to see other people before making a life long committment. Not only he, but you also slept with others. There is no reason to hate or blame either him or yourself for this. If you are bringing it up now, and getting upset about it, perhaps this is a mask for other feelings you are having. He did not lie to you or cheat on you. Everything was out in the open. You both agreed to have time to date. Perhaps you have your own fears about marriage (which is normal), and that is why you are fixing on this. Often before a marriage, everything comes up. If you love each other and are happy together, I would let this go. There is no wrong doing here on either part. If you cannot let it go, I suggest you seek professional counselling about why this is bothering you so much now and whatever else may be going on.
All best wishes.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Carrie
I know that it will never happen again, so this is why I'm stuck.