What is my problem lately!?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
What is my problem lately!?
6
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:28am
My SO and I have recently moved to Florida into a beautiful new house. We lived together before, but this is our first place all our own. He's an engineer (that's why we moved) and I run my own business at home. We are just getting to know our neighbors - we both are starting from scratch down here. Our families are in the Northeast. Everything is going well between us and we make it a point to unwind at dinner every night together.

My problem is that all of a sudden I have become obsessed with finding out information about his ex-girlfriends from college, high school and his little flings before me. He's never lied to me and every time I ask about them he's more than willing to answer questions in conversation. It's just during the day I do little searches for their names and try to find out where they are and what they've been up to, their married names, etc. I probably know more about them than he does at this point. I don't know what my problem is and I can't believe I'm being like this. I have always been the girlfriend that drives him to the airport to take trips with his friends and lets him call me first when he's away. I even point out good looking women to him. For crying out loud, I would close out of the page if he left his email box open on the computer screen! It's not as if I suspect he's cheating. I know where he is every second of the day, because he calls, and we're both out of our element here and know very few people. It's scaring me that I have turned into this and I am so ashamed to admit to doing this. HELP ME PLEASE! HAS ANYONE ELSE DONE ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE?



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:43am
I think you are finding you have more time on your hands and with that time you are figuring out more about yourself. I.e, you are more jealous than you thought.

You feel more out of control in your new space and maybe a little nervous that you made this drastic change for him and you want to be sure that it is worth it.

Maybe you should concentrate on making new friends rather than digging up old ones.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:53am
The time on my hands at home is a big issue. The move happened because of his job offer, but I was a big part of his decision to take it. I hate winter. You're right! I had a jealous part of me I never knew was there. I also think a big part of it is that any past relationship I had wasn't worth worrying about at all. I didn't care about their past because I knew there was no future with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:57am
Are you looking for a job? Can you join some clubs or do volunteer work? Go to volunteermatch.com to find some community service opportunities in your area.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:00pm
Force yourself to not do it anymore so you will won't sabotage your relationship. Go find something else to do if you can't keep busy enough to quit checking up on people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:08pm
I own my own business and run it from home. I don't do it all day, every second. The fact that I do it at all bothers me and I am stopping right now! I'm one step ahead of you. I'm volunteering at a women's crisis center for the rest of the month - including Christmas :)!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 12:46pm
Good for you. Other suggestions - since you know your way around a computer consider getting interested in geneology, trace your family tree. Besides volunteer work, also consider doing something creative - start a project - take up sewing, crochetting, painting, drawing, something crafty.


Carrie