starting over... from the beginning

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
starting over... from the beginning
2
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 3:32pm
basically my boyfriend and i were having problems with our old relationship. the relationship was too serious and suffocating for the both of us. i wasn't getting enough and he wanted a little more space. we didn't have so much fun; we were too emotional.

we decided if worst come to worst we can break up and be friends. so finally when it came to that, both of us were reluctant and couldn't imagine a life without each other. we couldn't break up. and being just friends is hypocritical and difficult for two people in love... we couldn't figure out if there should be any physical contacts such as kiss.. or if we should date other people... etc.

then we decided to start over... from the beginning. it was a concept i never thought of but it made sense. if we couldn't go on with the old relationship, but we are not ready to let go completely, maybe we should give our love another chance. a second chance, a fresh start.

i'm not sure how this is going to work. i think we need to carry our feelings from our previous days, but without all the expectations and dependency. its hard to love someone without wanting to own that person, but i must resist that urge. i think we really need to focus on having fun, goof around. right now isn't the time to be serious and add pressure. we also need to find ourselves instead of getting lost in a relationship... so does anyone have had similiar experiences? what are some advices? im so thankful for this 2nd chance i don't want the same mistakes to happen... nor new ones. please help!

i think find time for myself and my friends, not always wait for him... etc, might help, so he doesn't think im always there and take me for granted.




Edited 12/11/2003 3:34:31 PM ET by melody127

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 3:36pm
'its hard to love someone without wanting to own that person,'

This is a serious statement.

The relationship is not going to work unless there is change and I mean real change from within you, not just the amount of times you see each other per week.

Have you thought about counseling to find out why you are so dependent on him? What else is going on in your life? Work, school, friends, church, volunteer work, etc?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 4:37pm
i was dependent on him because we are each other's first loves, and i haven't had so much experience, i wanted to hold on to the first... everything. it became a habit or an expectance, for example if he called me everyday for a week or two, i would assume he would do that everyday. but i recognize now that shouldn't be the way it is.

counseling isn't for us. we are students in high school, with other things to do, and ourselves to enjoy. we already recognized our problems, try to deal with it, and now put it behind us and try to seek a new beginning.

please give me advices on this new start. we both want to make it work.