Same old thing...
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Same old thing...
| Thu, 12-11-2003 - 4:28pm |
Hey everyone, i'm new to the board.. so hello and thank you in advance for any help. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now. We fell absolutely totally in love right away almost. I was hesitant at first never being in a serious relashonship.. (i'm 20.. he's 34 [with the mind of a 17 yr old}.. the age thing was never even a discussion/problem) and knowing that he's had two very serious relashonships.. one with someone he almost married.. but both women being unfaithful as the end result. By two weeks he had told me that i gave him more love and affection in that time then he's gotten from women he'd been with for so long. He's had a rough life and i think its made him afraid of love a little. But he seemed to get over that pretty quickly with me, he also opened up about a lot of things, and was the first guy i've felt anything more than an infatuation or simple attraction for in the past 4 yrs. We instantly clicked and i felt so safe with him, we always had a ball, i even get along great with his family, in fact when we go see them .. i hang out with them more than i do him sometimes.. and he loved that cause he loves them and me. Even though he's quite a homebody he was willing to go out and do things i wanted to do. We live about 30 minutes away from eachother and i dont have a car.. but he always came to get me or i'd take the rail road to see him. Now i understand things dont stay that perfect forever... but its the simplest things like that that have changed. He works in my neighborhood yet will go straight home with out even stopping by to see me. He hardley wants to go out, and i tell him i just want to do something sometimes, and in order for him to do them i have to fight with him about it. I've had long talks with him about my feelings and feeling lately that he doesnt want to be with me sometimes, or doesnt want to do things i want to do, when i'm always willing to do stuff with him even if i'm not so comfortable or dont like them.. i do them cause it means something to him. After those talks he's made an effort to change and once again i feel all the love he has for me.. but then it goes back and we have the same talk over and over again. Now i know he's trying his best to change and i'm trying to give him room to do that.. but sometimes i wonder what he really wants from this. He says he wants to spend forever with me..he's the first guy i've met that doesn't cringe at the sound of marrige but yet brings up the subject. And i know it's not just the sex cause i'm usually the initiator of that (not that he has any problem responding..lol), And he was willing to wait till i was comfortable.. i mean of course he tried.. but would i really want a man who didnt?? He tells me he loves me without fail every day.. but i respond more to seeing than hearing i guess. I dont ask for much.. just little things.. and those are the things he has the most trouble doing. At This point i dont know what else to do.. in so many ways he's just what i want.. but alot of the time i wind up just resenting him cause i'm so bored and i wanna have fun with my boyfriend instead of feeling like i'm just there to be there. Relashonships are about comprimise and alot of the times he wants things just his way. how can i fix this.. i dont want our love to just fizzle out... Am i being paranoid"? Maybe i really do expect too much? How can i feel more confident in his love when i'm not talking to/with him if he doesnt show it a little more often???? HELP!

Hi
I don't know if I'd want to be with a man who I had to "fight" to get him to come see me???
Not all relationships were meant to be, I thought I was going to be with my first love for the rest of my life, but it didn't work out in the end, in retrospect I can see that we weren't that well suited, but what I learned from being with him is part of what makes my relationship with my fiance wonderful.
Hi
It sounds like he may either have a little social anxiety or be a little depressed.
Sorry this is so long..:) I guess what I'm saying is, know what you really want out of a relationship...i.e, pick your battles! Is it worth arguing over? You have every right to have your needs met, but are your expectations too high? Are you willing to accept him despite the fact that he isn't "perfect?"
My lunch is here so I have to go now!
Good luck.
i hear what you are saying "i want this to work out" - but sometimes its not that simple. i am sorry to say that this guy does sound depressed, and also sounds like a "my way or the hi-way" kind of guy. he should WANT to see you and spend time with you during the week. but if he can't be bothered to get into his car, if he hates traffic (hello???? who LIKES traffic???), and he will always be finding some excuse for why things have to be done HIS way. sorry ---- I am on my way out of a marriage with a guy who sounds just like this. when we were first dating I remember how he would be whining about coming to see me. HE had a