Should I believe him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Should I believe him?
5
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 5:54pm
I'm new here...but here goes. I really need some advice. My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. I know that I have problems trusting him (some caused by my past marriage). This is the second marriage for both of us.

Here's the deal: Several weeks ago, my husband had asked me to go on a business trip with him (overnight). I was excited, and of course decided to go. He said he had made hotel reservations for that night, and that he had to call the hotel back, because they had given us a "no-smoking" room, and I smoke. After he asked me initially to go, there was no mention of it again until he called me from work and stated "Well, I guess I will have to spend the night when I go to the trade show" I said, well you did invite me to come along, right? He said, yes, you're coming, aren't you? I answered "yes".

Then again, nothing was said until the day before we were supposed to leave. I asked what time we were leaving, and his reply was that this was something we needed to talk about. He explained that he would have to leave early, and that I would probably want to take our own vehicle and meet him there. I said, how early? He said 8:00 am. This is by no means early for me since I am usually up by 5 am. But I agreed to meet him there. Something else that really blew my mind: My husband has sleep apneoa, and uses a C-PAP machine to be able to sleep. He said, I don't think I will take my C-PAP machine with me on the trip. I said, why? He said, well, I don't know, I just don't think I'll take it. I said, well, I really think you should, because you can't sleep without it. He said, we'll see. (He didn't take it with him) The next morning he left and then called me around 9:00 am, he hadn't left for the show yet, but had called to tell me that maybe he would just cancel the hotel reservation, and just drive home that night because the weather was maybe going to get bad (snow). I said,the bad weather isn't actually supposed to start until late tonight.I don't understand why you would want to drive home and then back again in the morning. He said, well, we'll see. I was a little dissapointed, as you can imagine, and told him to let me know what was going on. I felt like I had been invited to come along, and then un-invited.

He then called me later, and said,"I just got on the road, and yes, I think we should go ahead and stay the night down there". So, now I'm thinking, ok, now I am going to get to go. Later he calls me from his destination, and gives me our room number, but says it is a non-smoking room. I questioned him about already taking care of the room, but he said that there were no "smoking" rooms available. So I told him, ok, I could deal with that, and that I would meet him there later. Just on a hunch, I called the very hotel where we were going to stay, to see if they had a "smoking" room, and yes they did.

I went ahead and drove down there. By the time I got there, his show was over for the night. We had planned to go shopping the next day, after he was finished with the trade show. The next morning, he was up before me, and told me that he would try to get away earlier than planned, so that we could go shopping. I was to hang out in the hotel until he was finished. Then he left. He didn't even ask if I wanted breakfast with him? But this is what really killed me: He wasn't out the door 10 minutes, when the hotel room phone rang. A woman asked if "Karry" was there. I thought that she sounded a little flustered.I said, "Karry?" She said, yes, Karry Cookman. I said, no, this is "John Cookman's room". She said, "Oh, I asked them to ring Karry Cookman's room, and they must have rang the wrong room" Cookman is not our last name, we have a slightly unusual last name. I thought for a moment, then called the desk, and asked them to ring "Karry Cookman's" room. The operator said, you are the only Cookman registered here.

I was totally dumbfounded. I have caught him lying to me in the past, but he swears that he has never cheated on me, nor does he want to, and blames any suspicions that I may have on my insecurities, because of my past marriage. I was so mad, that I called him on his cell phone, told him that someone had called for him and must be looking for him. His answer: "Well, I don't see anyone". I was furious, and got packed, called him and told him I was leaving for home, before the weather got bad.

I went home, and the next morning asked him if whoever was looking for him found him, and he said, no, I think maybe it was someone from work. I just don't know what to believe anymore! Do you think he's lying? I mean, after all, he practically un-invited me, then made sure I stayed in the room, and the no-smoking room, and then the phone call? Help me please, as this is really driving me nuts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:56pm

Im not sure If im understanding.Your last name isnt Cookamn, But your room was registered under someone by that last name?


Either way, everything sounds a little starnge to me.Does your husband usually act like this, or was this out of the ordinary?is he aware that the front desk rang your rooom that day?


One way or another, you need to confront his head on and get to the bottom of things before it drives you even more bonkers.You deserve nothing less than to know whats going on in your own relationship.


If you can get back to me and clarify things though, I can give you some better insight.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 9:17pm
I know this sounds confusing. I just said "Cookman" wasn't our real name for privacy purposes. Our room was registered under our real name, for instance "Cookman".

Thanks for any help. I am afraid to confront my husband on this again, because he seems to think that anything I attempt to question him about is "all in my head".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:59pm
I'm going to tell you this from experience. When something seems strange it usually is worth investigating. Always trust your instincts (gut)they are trying to tell you something before you find a reason to dismiss the issue. Lastly, never let someone else control what you think. Your feelings are valid. Rigt or wrong he has no reason to make you feel so unsure of yourself that you are afraid to confront him. I would be very upset if what you described happened to me. It's very strange. However, if he wanted to cheat he didn't have to invite you in the first place. Right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 2:54pm
Sounds like he was wishy washy about the invite because his 'girlfriend' canceled at the last minute.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 3:48pm
I have a feeling he wouldn't have invited her either if there was a chance this "possible" girlfriend would be there. But I would not be afraid to talk to him and just say you are having these feelings that you need to express and see if he can justify some of his strange behaviours. Maybe he was just having a cranky weekend?