My friend really needs help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
My friend really needs help
4
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:01am
I have a very good friend that is going through a lot right now and I was hoping everyone in this site could help me out. To make a long story short, she's been married for a couple of years and her relationship was always rocky but now her husband really put the icing on the cake. She found out several months ago that he got another lady pregnant while she was pregnant. :( she is so sad..She tried to work it out with her husband because she loves him but now she decided to leave him..It's been hard because we are not in the same state right now but I still talk to her. I am trying to speak to her constantly but I don't want to over to do it. But when I talk to her I feel like I should because she sounds so depressed. We are very good friends and I don't know what to do.

I plan to visit her right after the holidays. Please help me..How can I help her out?

What can she do to cope with this situation. She is so devastated and worried.

She doesn't know what to do with her life right now...

Thanks girls..
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 1:11am
tell your friend to keep her head up, there's more fish in the sea. i know she loves him but if she has decided to break it off she needs to look towards the future for herself and her child. if he went out and got another girl pregnant will she was pregnant then he's not worth wasting her time over. she deserves someone who is going to treat her the way she should be treated and being cheated on isn't the what she should have to go through; i know how she feels. tell her to take time to clear her head and move on to bigger and better things; a real man to raise her child with.

hope i was of some help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 10:08am

Unfortunatley, the only thing you may be able to offer her is your freindship and support. Keep her busy.You said you two are in different states, so that may be hard for you to actually do this yourself, but can you get with some of her family and other friends, and kinda make a pack to always try to be with her for the next couple of days/weeks.Above all, just let her know that you are there for her in any way possible and that if she ever wants to talk, your there to listen.


Its important not to push her into talking about things untill shes ready.Shes going thru so much right now, dont force her to go thru more than shes ready to deal with.


I applaude you for being such a caring friend, shes very lucky to have you.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 2:27pm
I agree. After all these stories about horrific and abusive friends, it is nice to hear about someone who is such a great and sincere friend. Be there for her. Encourage her to look for professional help, if you feel she needs it (make sure she is not sliding in undiagnosed depression). Make sure she has some darn good and aggressive attorney. Don't pressure her to talk if sne does not want to, but invite her to do things (movies, shopping, or activities that involve the kids). I assume she has someone to spend the holiday with, but if she does not the best thing you can do is to invite her and her child over with your family, if possible.

Many women are alone in this, Your friend has someone like you. In one thing, she is lucky.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 11:19pm
I wanted thank every single one of you for your advice..

Momo1angel: You're right about her keeping her head up. I try as much as I can to bring up her self esteem. It's hard but I try.

Cl-marsexpert: I am trying my best to keep her busy. I call her and email her often.

I haven't been forcing her to talk. You are right about giving her time to talk. She broke down on me once but she hasn't anymore. I'll give her all the time in the world. I just worry sometimes...

Gunnercade: You mention something that concerned me regarding the undiagnosed depression.

I know she mentioned the word depression before. She feels depressed.

Thanks so much for every advice! It helped...

I planned to visit her once the holidays are over. Even if she mentions she doesn't want to see anyone should I still go see her anyway and keep her busy? She hasn't mentioned it but if she does I want to make sure I do the right thing...

Thanks!