Can men and women just be friends?
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| Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:47pm |
I have been married for 8 years. Three years ago, my husband was very ill. As he recovered, our marriage -- which had been strong through his near-terminal illness -- began to unravel. He was so happy to be alive that he was not paying much attention to me.
At the same time (about two years ago), I became good friends with a man at work. I realized that I was falling in love with this coworker and told the coworker so. I also told the coworker that I needed to back off the friendship because I was married. The coworker (who was single) told me he had feelings for me, too. I also told my husband that I had developed feelings for this coworker but did not plan to pursue them.
I went back in forth in my head about what to do because at the time, my marriage was lousy. (Skipping a lot of details about the months of agonizing about what to do...) The coworker and I stayed good friends. The coworker and I took a business trip together about a year and a half ago. The coworker kissed me. I did not kiss him back -- although I wanted to very much. Instead I left and went to my hotel room. I told my husband about the incident. We got marriage counseling...
Two years have gone by... The coworker and I are still good friends though we never "touched" in any inappropriate way again. My marriage is in much better shape -- in fact, we had a baby about 8 months ago. The coworker is in a committed relationship with a woman he loves very much.
So what is the problem? I still have very strong feelings for the coworker. I can't seem to get over it. I find the friendship extremely rewarding in that I feel a strong bond with him but I wonder if it is inappropriate -- even though we have not touched since that night a year and a half ago. I am thinking of trying to distance myself from the friendship but I am not sure if 1) I need to do this 2) I will feel better by doing this 3) if I am able to do this and 4) how to do this.
Any thoughts would be a big help. Has anyone been in this position before?

i would keep him as a friend and not allow this to develop in any way... specially since you're both married and you have a new baby... it's just not smart.
The answer to the question in your heading is an emphatic "yes", but I don't think it works where one of the people wants "more".
I would just keep your conversation strictly professional and only talk when you need to for work.