Email Revelation

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Email Revelation
3
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:11pm
I was on my fiance's comp trying to check my email, when his inbox popped up. I was interested to find like 3 messages from another girl, one with pics and the others asking him to call her. He replied to one of them, he said that he missed her and he wanted to "try" things with her. The messages are from July---what should I do? Do i confront him and if I do, how do I without looking like a snoop?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 12:44pm

well - now you know what happens when you snoop. you can't confront him without telling him how you got the info, and if you do confront him, i assure you that the conversation will be twisted around into your snooping and not the issue.


the question is of course what was going on in july? were you and he in a committed relationship then?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 1:13pm
We have been dating for 3 years, living together for 10 months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 2:26pm
Well there IS no way of asking him "without looking like a snoop" b/c you opened the emails and read them -- thus, you ARE a snoop. If you're living together then I assume he knows you also use the computer? And, if his email just "automatically popped up" then he must have it set to do so. So, he's either not too bright or feels he has nothing to hide from you. Or, did you log into his email to check it?

If you've been with him 3 years then you should be able to talk to him. Without good communication a relationship isn't very good. Even if he's only corresponding with women via internet (and the "trying things" is only a fantasy), it's deception and it's not doing your relationship any good.

To be honest I'm not even sure why you're asking what to do. The only other option to asking him about it is burying your head in the sand and acting like you don't know. Hopefully you're not foolish enough to be considering that! Oh, and forget about playing games like emailing him as someone else to try to find out more, etc. Be an adult. If a relationship is going to last and be a happy one for both people, there needs to be a good amount of honesty, communication, understanding and commitment coming from both people. If those things aren't present in your relationship, then the emails you found are only one of many red flags that you should be paying attention to. Good luck.