someone please help.....I'm losing it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
someone please help.....I'm losing it!
4
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 2:19pm
Hi All, i'm new here but i heard that I could get some really good advice here. So here goes.....

I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and we have had a somewhat rocky relationship. A lot of things have happened between us. When I say that I mean he cheated on me early in our relationship and I decided to stay and work things out. We broke up shortly after that and then got back together again. Since that first break about about a year ago we've been on and off many times. The last time we broke up was for a few months. We had no contact whatsoever. He called me but I didn't respond nor did I return his calls. Then we were brought back together because of a party a mutual friend of ours had and we've been together non stop since then(about 4 months now).

Still it's an ongoing struggle and I find myself always being haunted by the lies of the bast and the infidelity of the past. We've talked about it a lot but I don't know what to do to get past it. Within the last month we've been fighting a lot about many things. It seems that he's just been nit picking about everything I do. We talked recently and things were ok but now I feel weird. I feel like maybe he's going to start cheating on me again but I don't want to wrongly accuse him. My instincts are all out of wack at this point. When I think he's done something wrong he really hasn't and when I think that everything is ok it's like something is going on. Sometimes he's very distant toward me and sometimes he's so sweet. And then he's a combination of the two at times.

I really don't know what to do. I'm soo confused. I don't want to always think he's doing something. But about a week ago we had a small arguement in bed and then he went to upstairs to his attic to watch tv. Before he left though, he said that's ok, you'll see what happens. As if to say I'll get you back. I didn't do anything bad and it was a really sill thing we were argueing about but he takes everything so seriously. We've been ok since then I guess but lately he's been acting strange. We spend lots and lots of time together but lately he hasn't wanted me to stay over. He insists on taking me home after we've spent time together be it dinner,shopping,movies etc. He even takes me to his house but says that he's going to drive me home in an hour. Lastnight I complained about this and he said that it's because he has a really bad cold and it seems to get worste at night which is all true but he's never acted this way before. My problem is that I recognize this distance and it scares me. He does similar things when he's doing something wrong. He's planning a trip for us to go to Hawaii next month and I'd like to think that it's all under good pretenses but I'm worried.

Today all of a sudden he said he was going to visit his mom who lives an hour away. All this is fine but he hates driving there especially because there are so many relatives in the house there. Also, all week he's been bringing up little reasons to be away from me this weekend but none really panned out. I spoke to him late lastnight and early this morning and he didn't mention going to see his mom. Then he calls me about an hour ago and says he's going to see his mom. Maybe I shouldn't be worried but I am. Partly because I know that a girl he was kinda going out with during the time of our troubles lives in the area his mom lives in. He says they were just friends at that time and in the summer but that they don't even speak now. I think there's a possibility that he went to visit this girl. I asked if I could go with him to his mom's but he said no that I would just be board and he just wanted to spend some time there. He said he'll be back by about 8 tonight so that we can see eachother and I'm sure he will but I just really wonder if he'll be with his family or if he'll be spending time with a girl. I guess what I need help with is how do I ask him without sounding like i'm accusing him? We've had so many problems in the past and I've been wrong before but my gut feeling is really kicking in now. I just don't know how to handle his one.

Thanks for listening,

Shay

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 5:59pm
Definetly go with your gut instinct. It's never wrong. I really do know how you feel though. I had been with two guys where I was always having a bad feeling that something was going on. With one guy it was almost a constant feeling, the other one was just off and on. And with both guys, my suspicions were true. It was hard for me to listen to that instinct, but I would really really suggest that you listen to your gut. If you are feeling that something is going on, it probably is. Hey, we females have a 6th sense when it comes to this stuff. Womens intuition or whatever you wanna call it, but it's there. Good luck though, and I hope you get to the bottom of what's going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:37pm
::Before he left though, he said that's ok, you'll see what happens. As if to say I'll get you back.

bad sign....


Has anything changed since you posted? Something is really wrong here.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 3:03pm
Honestly, I don't even know why you keep going back to him. It's obvious that this relationship will never work out- so instead of making yourself crazy, just end it ONCE AND FOR ALL!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 4:00pm
Since my last post.....

well, he called as he was walking into his parents house on saturday and then he called as soon as he was leaving there so I guess everything was ok with that. We spent the weekend together but then yesterday I wasn't getting any signal at his house on my cell phone so I went to use his to call my house. I went into the call history to sort of speed dial my number because I knew that the last call he made was to me before I came to his house. So in the call history I saw the name of his ex girlfriend. It seems that he had called her recently. This is someone that he had a bad breakup with because she wanted to know if he was going to marry her and he said no. So she kinda went to pieces and he broke up with her because he couldn't commit to her. She told him she would never speak to him again. So to my knowledge they haven't spoken but for some reason he called her the other day. I couldn't tell if he spoke to her or what the outcome was but I didn't see any other calls from or to her. I don't know what to think. I know that he is very immature and when any thing goes awry with us or even if things are to good he starts to look up ex girlfriends....