having a bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
having a bad day
4
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 5:49pm
Ok so once again I am having problems. Probably just me though. Anyway, the basic story is that the guy I have been seeing for 5 months now, doesn't want a label (boyfriend & girlfriend, together...etc) and I do. I think we've been seeing each other enough to know whether or not we want to be together. At least I know that I do. All he says is he considers us more than friends. He won't give me an answer as to whether he wants to be with me. First he didn't know because I wouldn't do everything sexually that he wanted, well now I'm more comfortable and I do do it sometimes, but not every time. Now, he tells me he won't give me an answer until I get on birth control. I don't really want to be on it because of personal/family issues, and I felt it would be something I'm more comfortable doing after we are together. Plus, just the fact that he is trying to make me do it, makes me not want to. He wouldn't go get tested for std's when I asked him to, but I'm supposed to go do this for him??? Maybe I'm just being stupid and selfish, I'm not sure.

The other thing is... We hung out alot, from every day to every other day or a few times a week, throughout the whole 5 months we've been 'together.' The thing is... all these times I was the one that would drive to his house. We live about 20-30 minutes apart, he lives in town, I live out in the stix, where I'm 10-15 minutes away from anything. At first this was okay with me because I was working 10 minutes away from his house. Well, I'm not working there anymore and I'm going to school 4 hours at night. And we hardly see each other now because he refuses to 'drive all the way' out to my house. I have asked him many times if he would want to come hang out and every time he says he just wants to stay home. It's kind of starting to piss me off because I feel like we would never hang out if it wasn't for me ALWAYS driving out to his house, and it just makes me feel like this is how little he cares about seeing me when it really comes down to it. I just don't know what to do, because I know I can't always drop everything and do what he says.

Don't get me wrong there are a lot of things I love about him, but sometimes I just don't feel like I really do mean anything to him. Actions speak louder than words, right? What do you guys think?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: yunat1
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 6:06pm

Sweetie, I agree that one of you is "stupid and selfish"...but it's not YOU!


He wants the benefits of being in a relationship without the obligations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
In reply to: yunat1
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 8:05pm
it would seem to me that you are the one dating him and not vise-versa i was once stuck into somethin as selfish and i knew the relationship was too one sided for me so i moved on .
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: yunat1
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 1:31am

sweetie - he is controlling the *relationship* - every single aspect of this *relationship* and YOU are letting him. its THAT simple. if YOU are not happy with what's going on ---- then you need to stop. look at what is going on here -

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
In reply to: yunat1
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 3:14pm
Thank you everyone who replied, and you are totally right about everything. I do go along with things for while hoping. But it's got to stop sometime. Thank you for your input.