what sholud i do

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
what sholud i do
9
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 6:46pm
hello buddies

am a new member i joinned after i read some of the disscussionds and i feel you will be able to help me too. i met my husband in the university 1993 he is my first love, when he found out i was a virgine at 23 he asked me to wait for him as per marriage. we got married last year jan.and i came to join him here in spain after a year of our marriage. i am anemic and it has dammage my left hip ball and socket joint since i came it has been one problem or the other am even contempating divorce.

he feels i don't respect him, he dosen't help me atall becos he is the only one working, he dosen't want me to keep friends he put word in my mouth when iphone home or anybody infact he interupts my calls telling me to round up or shout on me.

he is always saying that i don't respect him last week saturday he beat me for the fifth time since i came to join him. i had to go to a neigbor to give me money to phone the police at a boot, because he locked me out. it was atthe boot he later came to plead with me not to call the police since then i had peace but today again he has started it again today byut he did not touch me.

i am tied i don't know what to do i have no savings of my own

don't get me wrong when he wants to be nice he will be the best man on earth, he goes shpping for us, takes my to the hospital buys all the things i need including sanitary towels but my problem with him is that he is too violent and nags too much

help me please b4 i have hypertension
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 7:54pm
he is too controlling appeal to a church if you are and seek outside assistance before he kills you
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 10:06am
No matter what, you never deserve to be hit, ever. You need to get away from this man. Please call a friend or family member to wire you money so that you can leave this situation. I'm very worried for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 11:07am
You need to leave this man. Tell your family and go home. Don't look back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 12:27pm
The things you describe...his depriving you of access to marital money, trying to isolate you from other people, his demands that you respect him in that you are not allowed to reply to the things he says, his violence, preventing you from telling others about what he does to you so you can get help, and other things you describe...these are what makes up domestic abuse and he is an abuser. Here are links to the Domestic Abuse board, the Domestic Abuse board homepage, and to a website with the laws to protect you from his violence against you and also the Domestic Abuse resources in your area so that you can get help. There's a lot of help out there for you. Please check out these links, you will see that you are not alone, you will get a lot of support, and you will learn a lot about what you're dealing with. Good luck.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rldomesting



http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-mizlizzy/recognizinganddealingwithdomesticabuse/



http://www.womenslaw.org/

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 6:44pm
thanx so much pals i know that i have found the right place where i belong. you know what this morning he was on his knees again telling me that he will never touch me again and he loves me very much, that we should start allover again. well i have made up my mind to call in a third party even if the third party the police. i am happy that that there is a place like this on web. thanx once more
Avatar for autumnleaves22
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 10:28pm
I agree with the others - you need to leave him as soon as possible! He is very bad news and abusive and one day may kill you. He isn't worth it - get away from him to some kind of safe house until you can get back to your parents! These kind of men can always be extra nice and caring when they want to be that way - it's that other side of them that is so deadly! Please care enough about yourself to get away from him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:32pm
thanx everybody.

i have moved out of his house with the backings of the domestic abuse unit. he paid for new place for me with and a monthly pay of 500. i am sure i will move on now no looking back
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:49pm
Whoo hoo! Congratulations! You are a very brave person. It is very hard to find the courage to get out of an abusive relationship. You did a great job, and I hope with all my heart that it is the beginning of a new better life for you. Keep us posted! More power to you!
Avatar for autumnleaves22
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: kennybol
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 1:47am
I am sooooooo happy for you that you escaped that terrible person! I know it must have been so hard to do but I am so proud of your courage! And you are safe now! Please don't be tempted to call him or have any contact - don't let him know where you are at all. And if he should by chance find you and act all nice to you, don't believe him one bit. They always try to get back what they think is "theirs" and are even worse once they get you back. I am so proud of you! Now you have your bright future ahead of you. Keep us posted...

Sherri