Should I let him come home, ever?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Should I let him come home, ever?
1
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 11:41am
I need some advice. My husband of 9 years left about 2 weeks ago citing our fighting, my not trusting him, me never dressing to impress him (even though he rolls around in wrinkly jeans and dirty t shirts), us not making time for each other as a couple, and his issues with anger & ignoring my needs, for his wanting to leave the marriage and while I agreed with most of this and even kept saying lets go to counseling and work this out, he hits me with another bombshell. He doesnt love me anymore, isnt sexually attracted to me anymore and has met someone who "knocks his socks off". Less than a week later he begs to come back home saying he realizes what an ass he's been and how much he does love me, wants me & our family and how much he has done wrong and even wants to go to counseling or do anything to get us back together right.We have really talked things out in the past 2 weeks probably more than we have in the last 2 years. Of course he wants to come home after the one who "knocks his socks off" also knocked him down, she said no and told him he was being an idiot, as did many of his close friends. But even after he tried to win me back he's still been talking to her & other women saying he just wants friends. But we have never been secure enough in our marriage to have different sex friends, why would he think thats ok after he just betrayed my trust and he keeps saying how he'll do anything to come home. He was being so kind and tender that we made love a few days ago, he was thinkig woohoo I am coming home now for sure & I was like I am sorry I still need time to think this through, to think about just what it is I want and you need to do the same. My trust issues with him stem from his habit of lying, usually over little things, but it has made it almost impossible to go on anything he says especially in the last few weeks when he's changed his mind so much. How do I trust him again after this? How do I know it is really love that is bringing him home and not the fear of being alone, or about the financial strain of a potential divorce. I don't know if we can fix this, or if it's too late to even try. I still love him dearly, and want our marraige and our family but I just don't know how to get past all the hurt & anger he caused me. What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 11:48am
Please be careful. Just because he says he has changed doesn't guarantee anything. Your husband has a lot of character flaws (I am being nice). He doesn't act like a husband. Think about what this is doing to your children-to see their father treating their mnother this way. What are they learning?

Think about some counseling sessions before he moves back in. That way you will know you gave it a chance if it doesn't work out in the long run.


Honestly if someone cheated on me, insulted me and told me he didn't love me, I wouldn't let him back into my life.